Monday, July 6, 2020

Do You Know Why The Kitchen Sink Is Running Slow?


Allow me to take you back in time - to about a month ago when I was pouring the last few sips from a bottle of Coca Cola down the kitchen sink and noticed that the drain seemed to be running a bit slow.  I didn't see any debris or any other blockage in the sink to cause this issue, so I mentioned it to The Boss.  He indicated that he hadn't noticed the drain running slow, but would keep an eye on it. 

Fast forward a couple of weeks - others in the office have commented to me that they thought the drain was running slower than usual.  I told them I had informed The Boss, but I would mention it to him again.  Maybe I should save ourselves the pain of witnessing him attempt to pull the drain apart and just call a plumber myself - but what fun would that be?  I mentioned it again, but it seemed to fall on deaf ears.

Fast forward again to this morning, the morning after a long, holiday weekend.  The Boss arrived before anyone else and he had made the coffee (click here to read the coffee making process).  By 11 AM,  The Boss went in to get another cup and the pot was pretty much gone.  When he saw it was almost empty he took a quick poll wondering if he should make another pot (he asked everyone) and it was decided that another pot would be consumed by the end of the day.  This is where the reason for the slow running drain problem quickly became crystal clear.

I witnessed this with my own peepers.  He took the coffee pot apart and proceeded to dump the coffee grounds, not in the garbage like a normal person, but down the kitchen sink drain!  He then turned on the faucet and made sure every ground made in down that drain.  As I am watching him do this, I am flabbergasted at what I am seeing; who in their right mind dumps coffee grounds down the drain when the garbage can in right there?  No wonder the sink is running slow - the drain is chock full of coffee grounds.  Damn, the plumber is going to love this (if and when he ever calls one).

It was after watching this display that I mentioned the slow running drain once again to him - maybe this time he would listen and act accordingly.  As he is filling the carafe and standing at a distance to see if it has the perfect amount of water, I say, "hey, did you see how slowly that drain is running?"  When I tell you his response, you are going to think I am lying, but I swear I am not.  He said, " I did notice it this morning, but I cannot imagine what could be causing it."  He then said that maybe he would take it apart later this week and check it out.  Oh, goody...there is going to be a water show at The Nuthouse later in the week.  Tickets are on sale now!

Yup, as the meme for this post suggests - stupid does not realize stupid!

Thursday, July 2, 2020

What A Week!


This is the PERFECT description of my week!  Somehow it always seems that the shorter weeks seem to last the longest. I have always felt this way and working in The Nuthouse has done nothing to change that belief.

I am happy to report that all employees followed the instructions The Boss posted next to the thermostat (click here for story) and refrained from touching and/or turning it off.  It was a comfortable 80 degrees when I arrived this morning.  The Boss seemed to be in better spirits, but I am sad to report that the cover for the thermostat remains on the floor in the corner of the office. I wonder how long it will remain there?  I will keep you updated on its status next week.

The Boss was out of the office for a large part of day and I think many companies may have started their long weekend a bit early because the office was quieter than usual....not that I am complaining.  We had pizza delivered and we enjoyed a long lunch.  It was nice to catch up and hear everyone's plans for the long weekend.  The Boss came back around 3 PM and told everyone to go home and enjoy their long weekend.  I hope he doesn't feel the need to call me tomorrow morning to remind me that we have the day off (click here for story).

Enjoy the long weekend Nutties!  Be safe and remember to check for poop before performing and vacuuming (click here for story)!  See you soon!

Wednesday, July 1, 2020

The Boss vs. The Office Thermostat

Stories are told about offices across the country where employees disagree about what the optimal temperature should be.  Some people are inherently cold and would like the office to be a bit warmer; then you have those individuals who think a meat locker should be a bit cooler.  Fortunately for us, we do not have that problem in our office; everyone seems to agree on the same ambient temperature. This is where our story begins....

We all know how a thermostat works - you set it to a desired temperature and in the case of summer, the air conditioner will run until that programmed temperature is achieved.  For some unknown reason, I'm not sure The Boss has totally grasped this simple concept.  Our area of the country has been hot and humid recently - welcome to July!  The Boss has programmed the thermostat in our office to be 80 degrees during working hours and during non-working hours (and weekends), the temperature rises to 90 degrees (he is trying to save $).  Up until recently, the air conditioner has not had to run very often, but now with the heat and humidity, it is a necessity.

The Boss was already in the office when I arrived this morning and I noticed he looked annoyed.  I also noticed as soon as I entered the door that it was hotter than hell in the office.  I said good morning, put my Coca-Cola in the fridge and asked what was going on with the air conditioning.  He said that he worked late last night and turned it off at around 6 PM and must have forgotten to turn it back on.  WTH???  I mentioned that I thought the temperature setting changed to 90 degrees beginning at 5 PM.  His response was one for the record books.  He said, at 6 PM it was still 82 degrees; he thought it wasn't working correctly, so he must have turned it off.  I commented that since it was 82 degrees, the air conditioner was working correctly for the evening setting.  Did he think the temperature shot up to 90 degrees at 5:01 PM?  He then said his famous line when he doesn't like what you are saying, "I don't need an editorial."  Yup, right there it was crystal clear - The Boss didn't know how a programmable thermostat worked!

Throughout the day, he would constantly come out of his office to check the office temperature.  He would then sigh loudly and return to this desk.  Now remember, the air had some catching up to do because it was off all night.  Each time he came out and saw it hadn't reached the programmed 80 degrees he would manually override the programmed info and hit the temperature down button.  He must have done this a dozen times!  He actually thought by lowering the temperature it was going to make the area cool off quicker!  Yup, I was shaking my head too.

By lunchtime, the air conditioner was still playing catch up and we had achieved a temperature of 83 degrees in the office (almost there!), but this latest information check just set The Boss off completely.  He actually had a temper tantrum in front of the thermostat; he stomped his feet and then ripped the cover completely off  the thermostat.  It flew across the room and bounced off the opposite wall.  Yup, that will definitely help the area cool down faster!   I'm beginning to think we may need a "time out" area in the office for certain individuals.

As the day drew to a close, the temperature finally reached the 80 degree mark.  As we were leaving for the day, The Boss came out of his office holding a piece of paper and some tape.  He walked over to the thermostat and began taping the piece of paper to the wall.  What did the paper say, you ask?

ATTENTION EMPLOYEES

EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY
PLEASE DO NOT TURN OFF OR TOUCH THERMOSTAT!

THANK YOU
MGMT.

Now, that is RICH!  I laughed out loud, walked to my car and headed for home.  Is it Friday yet?

Monday, June 29, 2020

How Was Your Weekend? Mine? It Was Expensive!


I hope you all had a great weekend.  In my case, I think it may have been cheaper for me to have worked this weekend!  My Saturday started like any other Saturday - sleeping in a bit, getting up, feeding the boys and deciding what to do for the day.  I thought I would be nice and take Cooper for a walk before taking a shower and I knew he wouldn't mind if I didn't shower first.

We had a great walk and it was beautiful outside - pretty much a perfect day.  We played in the park, got some coffee (for me) and we were on our way back home for my shower and his nap.  When I arrived, I gave him some fresh water and went to take a shower.  After my shower, I realized that I needed to vacuum.  Actually, with these two fur balls, I could (and should) vacuum every day.  I have mostly hardwood floors and there is always a fur tumbleweed going by - even right after I am finished vacuuming.

I cranked up the music and begin my vacuum routine.  Yes, I have a routine that I follow - I'm not weird, just particular (stop judging me).  First, I hit all of the un-carpeted floors, then I will go back and clean the throw rugs.  I have a large one under my dining room table and a one in the living room area.  I finished the hardwoods and I am seeing light at the end of the tunnel - once I finish these two big rugs, I am free of responsibility for the rest of the day!  The weekend is my oyster to do whatever I want!

As I head to the rug under the dining room table, a awesome song comes on and I immediately know this weekend is going to be great.  I start singing along and even maybe performed a couple of dance steps.  Then.... I smell it - the undeniable smell of poop!  I look around and am confused, I just vacuumed everywhere and didn't see anything; where could this smell be coming from?  As quickly as that thought entered my mind, I realized the answer - there was sh*t on the dining room rug and during my singing and dancing routine, I vacuumed right over it.  Before my realization  I continued to push and pull the vacuum across the rug, totally smearing it EVERYWHERE! 

Now, I don't know from whom the shit originated because by the time I actually found it, I could not identify it as cat or dog.  The shit had now become one with not only my vacuum but also my very expensive rug!  I immediately turned the vacuum off and surveyed the damage - and it was extensive!  There was poop all over the roller brush of the vacuum and in the dirt holder.  The rug was not in any better shape; it had more skid marks than a young boy's underwear!  I donned a mask (they are not only good for coronavirus) and went in to try and clean the rug - it was a battle I knew I never had a chance to win.  After about an hour of trying, I waved the white flag of surrender.  Next was the vacuum; it didn't look so bad, I thought I had a chance of saving it.  I took it apart and cleaned it up (gross) and did the best I could to make it whole again.  I put everything back together and started it up.  As soon as it started, all I could smell was sh*t!  I looked again and confirmed that I had gotten it all cleaned off and let it run for about 15 more minutes (I hoped maybe it just needed to blow the shit smell out).  The smell never stopped blowing out of every vent of that damned machine.  Yup, poop had claimed not only the expensive rug, but also the vacuum.  All I see know is red and dollar signs.

Well, guess what I did with the rest of my Saturday?  That's right, rug and vacuum shopping!  It was an expensive weekend and I still don't know which one of those little assholes to blame!  I know it wasn't me...I was in the shower!  Hope you week isn't as shitty as mine started out as! 

Until next time....

Thursday, June 25, 2020

The Fire Marshal Visited Today


As I have discussed previously, we are located in an area that doesn't see any foot or vehicle traffic.  If you are unlucky enough to find yourself driving down our pot-hole filled, weed and tress growing over a dirt road, you are either an employee here, a truck or delivery driver or you are looking for a place to be murdered and never found again.  What I am trying to say is that we don't have very many visitors.

That changed today when a large man came through our front door.  I'm sure the group thought that maybe he worked for a trucking company and was looking to obtain our business.  Nope, as he looked around the front office, he commented on and said hello to Frick and Frack and then asked to see the owner of the building.  The Boss overheard our conversation and came out of his office, chest puffed out, stating he was the owner and how could he help him.  The man then introduced himself as the Fire Marshal for the town.  Well, with those few words, the demeanor of The Boss changed IMMEDIATELY!

All of a sudden, there was no chest puffing and he began to stammer a bit as he replied.  The Fire Marshal said he wanted to welcome us to the neighborhood.  He then asked to walk through the building with The Boss to make sure everything was up to code and we had all the necessary equipment and signage.  I actually watched as the The Boss turned a whiter shade of pale standing there next to this man. What the hell is this all about? It looks like The Boss had seen a ghost!

I cannot explain the strange behavior of the The Boss.  I had no worries that we would perform well during this "inspection" - what the hell was spooking The Boss so badly.  My god, you would think we were cooking meth in the back or something.   Then I remembered his painting outfit which had resembled something that Walter White would wear in Breaking Bad - god, I hope they don't stumble across that during the inspection.  His nervous behavior paired with that outfit would definitely guarantee that our next visitor would be from the police department.

The Boss and the Marshal toured the building and it was over in about 15 minutes.  He told us we needed some chemical signage on the outside of the building as well as the company name and building number; that way fire officials could easily find us and have an idea of dangerous building contents.  Yes you read that correctly, we do not have a company sign indicating our name on the building (you can't be surprised by that after all the things I have told you so far). 

The Fire Marshal gave us two weeks to make the changes/additions and he indicated he would be back to follow up.  He and The Boss shook hands and he was on his way.  I have placed an order for the chemical signage and it should be here early next week.  The Boss said he has to "think about" how he wants to handle the sign containing the company name - he doesn't really want anyone to know we are here.  No, don't let anyone know that a company is here, let's definitely keep it a secret.  We will become so much more successful if we are incognito and no one knows about us!

This place is NUTS!

Now for some unsolicited television advice - I just found out that on July 1st Netfilx will be carrying all three seasons of Kingdom.  Now, I know, you never heard of Kingdom have you?  Kingdom was created by and shown on  DirecTV and it is not to be missed.  Set in Venice, CA, Kingdom follows the Kulina family; a family involved in MMA.  Don't worry, you don't have to like mixed martial arts to love this show - it is much more than a show about MMA.  It is dysfunctional, funny and tragic and so well written and acted.  It is a sin that it wasn't appreciated by more viewers. Trust me it's awesome and I can't wait to watch it again! 

Wednesday, June 24, 2020

The Boss Now Decides How Work Orders Are Filled


We were happy to find another large order waiting for upon our arrival today!  As I have mentioned, since we have been back to work, we have been quite busy and for that we are all grateful!  Not soon after the order arrival, we received a memo from The Boss - see a portion of it below:

To:  All Sales 
From: The Boss
Re:  Production
Date: 6/24/2020

It's kind of a good news bad news thing.  Everyone's efforts have produced great results in the last week, at the same time!  This has put the ball in Adam, Alex and Wayne's court.  History has shown that they are all more than capable of great production.  But in order for them to accomplish these tasks, I will be deciding the order that work orders will be filled and shipped.  If your customers are going to continue to receive the service they have grown to expect, it is essential that we make this change for the foreseeable future.  Therefore, do not go to the shop to inquire about your order, or whether anything else can go today or what is in stock.  Direct ALL inquires to myself or Nutty.  Inquiring of the shop can stop everyone from working on the very thing you are asking about and further delay its completion.  

According to need, the following priority of the orders received has been assigned as follows:

1.xxxxx
2.xxxxx
3.xxxxx 

Up until this point, orders were pretty much filled as they arrived, unless someone requested a next day air package, etc.  If a small order were to arrive, in many instances one of the warehouse guys would get it together in between other larger orders so it didn't have to wait. 

Now, under the new process, when a work order is generated it goes directly to The Boss, rather than the warehouse.  He has his own clipboard and is constantly shuffling the sequence of the orders.  I am not exaggerating when I say, he must alter the sequence at least four times a day - and that's if no new orders arrive.  Did I also mention that each time he changes the sequence, he creates a new "master list" with the company name, items, etc.  This man kills more trees with his amended lists than anyone I have ever known. 

Once he has the amended list, he will then go and conference with the warehouse personnel about why he made the change.  Each conference averages about 20 minutes - in which production stops completely!  How in the name of everything holy does he think this process is helping to get orders done more efficiently?  Didn't he warn the salespeople in his memo about inquiries stopping production?  I know, the "rules" don't apply to him - but he is the major problem with production stoppage.

Now that he has assigned himself this new "task" I have heard him mention twice that he has been unable to get anything done.  Maybe if he was not amending the work order sequence, creating a new master list and killing trees like a damn madman he could get something accomplished!  FYI - only two orders were completed and shipped today.  This new process is going to be so wonderful and efficient (yes, I did roll my eyes after I typed this).

Tuesday, June 23, 2020

Number 101 Already?


Today marks the 101st posting in Observations From The Nuthouse!  It has been an interesting and enlightening experience to say the least.  What started out as a fun little project for me has evolved into a fun, bigger project that I think helps me avoid visits to a psychiatrist.  So, this blog is not only helping to heal my head but allowing me to keep co-payments in my wallet.  I'm sure Cooper and Milo could find some interesting toys to buy with those saved dollars.

As you know, this blog has allowed me to report the crazy things that occur during my working day.  Sometimes seeing The Nuthouse happenings in print evokes a bit of disbelief.  Often, as I am reading it back (and checking for spelling errors), I find it almost impossible to understand how anyone would not think that I am making this stuff up.  Rest assured, the things that occur in The Nuthouse are true and factual; I sometimes am sad to admit that they are not exaggerated or inflated in any way.  Like I said in one of my early posts, the names have been changed to protect the insane.

You might ask, what did I discover after writing 100 blog posts about a crazy workplace filled with equally crazy people?  I discovered that I enjoy sitting down and writing three or four times a week.  While in school I really loved writing, as I became older, I sadly have gotten away from it.  I have also discovered that I actually like and appreciate where I work.  Don't get me wrong, I still think the place is chock full of nuts; but that being said, I work with a bunch of really nice people.  I realized this during the time when we were all stuck working from home.  We would check in with each other, (yes, concerning work), but also just to make sure that everyone was okay and keeping it together.  Speaking of the quarantine, I never missed a paycheck, my health insurance didn't lapse and I continued to accrue vacation time!  Not many people can say they were not financially affected in some way due to COVID-19; I was not and for that I will always be eternally grateful.  The Boss did not have to continue to pay us all (and we would not have been surprised if he didn't), yet he said we were a team and we would come back and the company would be stronger than before.

I appreciate you taking this comedic journey with me.  I hope you have enjoyed the first 100 postings and were able to find some form of entertainment in them.  I also am hopeful that after reading about The Nuthouse you can see your place of employment in a new light and realize it might not be as nuts as you once thought.

Thanks again for spending some time with me and if you have any questions or comments, send them my way!  Until next time Nutties!