Friday, October 16, 2020

Happy National Boss Day!


Happy National Boss Day!  Today is the day where workers everywhere celebrate the wonderfulness (is that a word?) of their bosses.  In The Nuthouse we like to celebrate this holiday also; just not in the way nature intended.  Instead, today we will be revisiting some of our favorite "classic" Boss stories.  I hope you enjoy this trip down crazy.. I mean, memory lane!
  • Did you realize that the Bahamas is "right near England"?  I didn't either, until I became employed in The Nuthouse.  Thank goodness I came here when I did, my lack of proper geography could have been quite embarrassing if it had been discovered (click here for recap).
  • Do you know how long you should warm your car prior to driving it in the winter?  According to The Boss it is much longer than you may think.  It's like I learn something new each day! (click here for recap)?
  • Be careful - there are entities monitoring your emails.  They want to know what you say and what you purchase from Amazon...beware! (click here for recap)
  • Forklifts can be dangerous when they fall into the wrong hands or hands that don't know how to run them. (click here for recap)
  • Something else learned while employed at The Nuthouse - heat + plastic do not mix.  Another tip I am sooo happy I learned; it has saved me countless amounts of money and time. (click here for recap
  • We learned that bees can be dangerous creatures and they also have a tendency to be annoyed by The Boss.  Sorry Fed Ex guy! (click here for recap)
  • Did you know that thermostats and ditches can be treacherous?  You learned it here first! (click here for recap and here for recap)
These are just some of my favorites, but luckily for me there are many more.  Happy Boss Day to all the "normal" bosses out there and for us at The Nuthouse; it's just a day to reflect and hope tomorrow (or in this case Monday) is a little better.

Happy weekend Nutties!

Tuesday, October 13, 2020

Today Was My Monday


I forgot to mention in my post last week that The Nuthouse would be closed on Monday.  One nice thing about our office is that if the banks are closed, The Nuthouse is closed.  I'm not sure why that is (since we do not have anything to do with banking), but I am not complaining.  Yes, for those of you who are long time followers, you will be pleased to know that I did not receive a "reminder call" on Monday morning (click here for day off reminder story).

When we arrived back at The Nuthouse this morning, it was business as usual.  The Boss had made coffee and I missed the entire production -thank god for small favors.  The Boss also made it known to everyone within earshot that he was going to be mowing the lawn today and that he is planning on this being the last time for the season.  I cannot say that I will miss his lawn mowing productions (click here for recap)!

We decided that we would all have lunch together and eat in the conference room.  Again, I say, thank goodness we have that room (insert sarcasm here).  I volunteered to go out and grab the food and as I was leaving our driveway, our neighbor across the pond was driving by.  I waved to him and he ignored me.  I guess if you're mad at The Boss you are angry at the entire Nuthouse (read recap here).

The rest of the day was uneventful, but seemed to drag on for a year and a day.  When 5 PM finally arrived, I couldn't get out of there quick enough.  Home to Cooper and Milo - my two best buds in the world!

Until next time Nutties!

Friday, October 9, 2020

My Warning For Potential Employees


Yup, it's been one of those weeks!  Enjoy your weekend Nutties; see you next week!

Wednesday, October 7, 2020

Happy Hump Day From The Nuthouse!


  • Mike took yesterday off and seemed much better when he came back today.  You will be happy to know, The Boss' anxiety level is at a much lower level compared to Monday (click here for recap).  It is my understanding that Mike switched medications and these new meds are working better at handing whatever was making him so miserable.  I'm glad Mike is feeling better, but I have to admit, it was awesome how annoyed The Boss was getting every time he heard a peep coming from Mike's direction.
  • The Boss commented that he believes he is responsible for Mike feeling better because he told him he might want to consider changing medications.  Yup, rest assured, Mike never would have guessed that his old medication wasn't working without the notification from The Boss.  Lord, help me, he is insane!
  • The Boss has continued to wear a mask whenever dealing or speaking with Mike.  I guess he is concerned that Mike's allergies might be communicable.  This man should just dress in a hazmat suit and call it a day!
  • We had a couple of candidates come in for our technical representative/draftsperson opening, none of which The Boss seemed too impressed with.  It is my belief that The Boss feels foolish for originally choosing John and is so concerned about making a poor choice again, that it will result in him not picking anyone.  God help us if he hires another weirdo that prints out porn during his work hours (click here for recap).  What are the chances that he finds and hires someone like John again?  I know, we are talking about The Boss here...
  • It was raining so hard today that it was difficult to even see across the parking lot.  I think it is finally occurring to The Boss that the inability to access the warehouse directly from the inside of our building is becoming a bit problematic.  Remember, he famously had a conference room built which used the entry door to the warehouse with no exit from the new room (click here for recap).  I heard The Boss call the warehouse twice today via phone rather than making his actual "in person" visit.  I also heard him tell someone on the phone, "I cannot go to the warehouse right now, it is raining too hard and I am still soaked from my last trip".  I guess he doesn't appreciate having to don a slicker and umbrella to gain access to another portion of the building.  Poor baby - maybe think things through a bit more next time you fricken' ass!
  • That being said, work has continued to stay steady and even picked up a bit in the last week or so.  The company continues to grow and prosper in spite of the captain leading the ship.  Just think what we could accomplish without a Nut in charge!
Only a few more days left Nutties...we can do it....we are strong!  Until next time!

Monday, October 5, 2020

It's Funny What Annoys The Boss

For a while now, I have written about how annoying The Boss can be on a daily basis and then outlining those instances so you too can share in my misery.  I thought we would turn the tables a bit today and discuss something that occurred today that ended up annoying The Boss to such a degree that he had to exit the premises and go home.

As you can imagine, it is fall on the East coast and the weather has quickly gone from hot and oppressive to cool and damp. The funny thing about this change is that it seemed to happen overnight - like someone flipped a light switch labeled "seasons".  This change in season has not only created a change in wardrobe, but has brought seasonal allergies to the forefront.  It didn't take us long this morning to discover that Mike is an allergy sufferer and today he was suffering badly!  When he arrived, he looked blotchy and had puffy, red eyes.  He was also carrying a box of tissues and was already sneezing.  He said he has always had allergies, but over-the-counter medicine has helped keep them in check.  He said this weekend his medicine seemed to stop working and he was left sneezing and blowing his nose the entire weekend.  

The Boss arrived a couple of minutes late this morning and immediately went into his office.  It only took about three seconds of sitting there for him to hear the sneezing and blowing coming from Mike's office (they are next door to each other and share one wall).  The Boss came out of his office and was wearing a mask!  He then stood in Mike's doorway and asked if he was okay.  Mike told him that his allergy medicine seemed to stop working over the weekend.  The Boss immediately asked if had been around anyone with COVID or did he have people in his church that visited China?  All I could think was OMFG, he we go again (click here for recap).  He also asked if Mike had taken his temperature this morning.  I could see as this conversation was progressing that The Boss was getting more and more anxious.  We better be careful, he might pull out the hazmat suit again just to be safe (click here for recap).  After a few more questions, The Boss seemed content with the answers that Mike gave to his medical questions and went back into his office (closing the door, I might add).

This is when the sh*t show started... Mike continued to sneeze and blow his nose almost constantly.  If this poor guy wasn't sneezing, he was blowing.  After about 15 minutes, I began to hear some rumblings coming from The Boss' office.  I didn't think anything of them, but as the blowing and sneezing continued, so did the rumblings and some drawer slamming, along with some file slamming for good measure.  Thirty minutes into the sneeze fest, The Boss burst from his office, busted through the front door going outside and walked across the parking lot to enter the warehouse.  I looked at Rachael and said, "I think we finally found something that annoys him as much as he annoys us....Mike's sneezing and nose blowing".  We all laughed and told Mike to keep it up (like he had a choice).  Today might be an interesting day after all!

The Boss came back into the office seeming to have calmed down from his outburst and trip to the warehouse.  Well, that serenity didn't last long - Mike sneezed once again and it was like someone lit a powder keg and The Boss exploded!  He went back into his office, assembled the mask back on his face and stomped to Mike's doorway again.  He angrily wanted to know what medicine he was taking and when he took it last.  He also commented that "maybe he should try another brand" since the one he was using "clearly is not working".  I thought I was going to piss my pants!  This crazy man is soooo annoyed right now and he is barely holding it together.

He slammed back into his office and commenced with loud sighing and slamming every time he heard a noise from Mike.  It evolved to the point that every time Mike sneezed or would blow his nose, I would immediately laugh - I couldn't help myself!  After another hour had passed, The Boss came out of his office and he resembled like an actual insane person.  He looked at me and breathlessly said, "this is ridiculous, he is driving me nuts, I cannot stay here" and he all but ran out the front door.

As he exited the building and drove away, I had difficulty stopping my laughter.  About five minutes later, I heard Mike's cell phone ring and the next thing I know Mike is standing in his doorway.  "It was The Boss", he said, and he told me "to stay the hell home tomorrow if I cannot stop that incessant sneezing and nose blowing".

Wow, just all I could say!  If I were Mike, I would thoroughly enjoy my day off tomorrow if I was still sneezing and blowing or not! 

Friday, October 2, 2020

Well, I Cannot Un-See That!


As you know, it's been a rip-roaring, strong smelling week here at The Nuthouse.  I am happy to report  the stench of death has diminished a bit as the week progressed.  The Boss must be getting tired of lighting and extinguishing all of the those votives each day (click here for recap), because I heard him mention yesterday to Adam that he will be coming in over the weekend to "air the building out".  

On a positive note, I also heard that The Boss is not going to be in the office today.  This benefits us two-fold; one, he is not here (bonus) and two, he will not be holding a church service in his office with all those votive candles.  Today, our office will not smell of rotten death and apple pie!  Let us all rejoice!

We all were going about our day and enjoying the solitude of a Bossless Nuthouse when the unthinkable happened - the front door opened and he strolled through it.  To say that we were immediately shocked would be an understatement - not at his appearing at The Nuthouse, but rather, his actual appearance.  It pains me to even convey it to you because it helps the picture in my head (which I cannot erase) to become even clearer...people, I can not un-see the frightful spectacle I am about to communicate.

The Boss walked into the office in workout gear. Now, not workout gear like you and I would wear.  No, he came through the door looking like an older, plumper and bumpier version of Lance Armstrong.  Yup, it looks like he has taken up biking and his first purchase was a bright white, spandex ensemble, possibly a size too small; leaving nothing to the imagination, I might add.  To complete the look, he also donned a bike helmet - yes, he actually wore his bike helmet into the office.   The helmet was one of those aerodynamic jobbies that reminded me of a weird bird head.  I immediately wonder, did he put the helmet on when he exited his car or did he wear it while he was driving to The Nuthouse.  Now, I thought when I passed drivers on the highway wearing their masks it was weird; if I saw this nut job with a biking helmet on when driving, I would have crashed my car!

To say the staff in the front office was shocked at his gear would not be a strong enough sentiment.  Most of the employees just stared like they were going by a grotesque accident on the highway.  No one said a word, they just watched him flit around in his getup and make a phone call from his office.  He then came out into the main room, wished everyone a good weekend and was on his way.  After we watched him drive away, we all looked at each other in utter disbelief - did that really happen?  No one said anything for a few minutes and then Drew said, "I didn't know The Boss was Jewish".  Everyone paused a moment and Rachael started cracking up.  We all joined in and busted Drews' ass the rest of the because he even looked there.

My plans for the weekend, you ask? Just a scrub brush directly to my brain in an attempt to erase this entire day from my memory bank.    Shalom to you all!

Wednesday, September 30, 2020

Around Here, Even a Good Idea Bites You In The Arse!

Let me take you back a mere day in time.  Remember yesterday, when I told you all how our office smelled like dead woodchuck (or some other form of wildlife)?  (click here for recap).  If you recall, a Clean Cotton fragranced Yankee Candle helped ease both mine and my co-workers pain, but The Boss was none too happy with the purchase.  He had multiple worries about our band aid for the stench and made sure he was quite vocal about it.  I was actually prepared to plead my case today when/if I tried to light it again...that's how bad his complaining was.

Fast forward to this morning,  I arrived in the office and rest assured, the dead animal smell was still in full effect.  If anything, it may have become stronger, more powerful overnight.  Maybe this unfortunate creature sacrificed himself as payback for The Boss' war against his fellow wildlife - maybe the geese (click here for recap) or possibly it was in the name of the bees (click here for recap).  Whatever the reason, we were all going to have to deal with this stinky bugger a while longer.

As I sat at my desk, looking for matches, I noticed a familiar, but strange smell mixed in with the rotten animal.  It took me a couple of seconds to place it, but I quickly realized, it was reminiscent of apple pie.  Now, I love a good apple pie as much as the next guy but I know we don't have an oven (or a baking grandmother) here, so, where and why was this smell here.  It only took about ten seconds to discover the origin of the smell - The Boss' office.

I walked in his office and it resembled an area of the church where parishioners' light candles for prayers.  First, I thought that maybe Mike and Wayne had recruited him (click here for recap), but quickly discovered the true purpose.  This crazy man had ten...yes, ten votive candles set up around his office and they were all apple pie flavored.  Now, as I mentioned previously, I am not a big fan of candles that smell like food.  I don't think they properly represent the food they are attempted to copy and when added to the fact of trying to cover decomposing animal - it is not a pleasant mix.

I looked around at the candles and back at The Boss, shook my head and said, "I guess you like apple pie, huh". He said he thought these few (?) candles would help with the smell because he was so preoccupied with the overwhelming odor yesterday that he was unable to get anything done.  I guess his concerns he voiced yesterday were no longer concerns.

I know you have all heard the classic "the dog ate my homework" excuse for not getting something accomplished.  Clearly, The Boss should write a book of reasons for not getting things done - he has so many to choose from.  I think he might have a best-seller on his hands!