Tuesday, September 22, 2020

We Paid Dearly For Yesterday's Normalcy!


Welcome to another Tuesday at The Nuthouse!  Yesterday was a weird day; we were busier than usual for a Monday and nothing too strange or annoying occurred.  It would be what a normal worker, in a normal office would consider just a normal day.  As you know, we are not normal and today, we paid dearly for yesterday's normalcy.

Our morning started off like any other; The Boss was making coffee - today he only stepped back from the carafe twice (click here to read how coffee is made in The Nuthouse) and everyone else was busy taking care of their own workloads.  As the morning drags on, the front door opens and a man enters the office.  He caught my eye first and I asked if I could help him.  He introduced himself as Brian, said he owned the shop down the road and asked if The Boss was available.  It didn't register immediately, but within a split second, I realized this was our neighbor from across the pond.  I immediately concluded what he wanted to speak with The Boss about - the visit from the police last week (click here for a refresher on what happened last week).  The Boss was not in his office (he was on one of his many jaunts to the warehouse), so I said I would get him.  I called out to the warehouse and asked him to come into the office because he had a visitor.  No, I didn't say who it was - I know I am an awful person, I just wanted to see what happened.

The Boss traversed the parking lot and came in the front door and immediately was face-to-face with the neighbor he had reported to the police last week.  I have to admit, I almost felt bad for him when I saw the shock on his face when he saw Brian standing there.  He clearly knew who Brian was and stuttered a bit as he asked him to come into his office. I didn't hear what transpired between the two of them, but I could tell from the voice levels that Brian wasn't a very happy camper.  I did hear The Boss say "protected land" on more than one occasion, which I believe only angered Brian more. After about ten minutes, Brian left and The Boss had absolutely nothing to say about the visit.  He did tell the staff that if "that man visits again to say he is not in the office".  Hilarious!  What did he think would happen when you sent the police knocking at his door?  God, he is an idiot!

It took a while for The Boss to calm down from his "visit" with Brian.  In his defense, he REALLY doesn't do well with confrontation.  Around 1 PM he started acting more like himself; he was leaving his office again (and going into the warehouse) and making trips back and forth to the kitchen - all was back to "Nuthouse Normal".   Then the shit really hit the fan!

Around 3 PM the front door opens and you will never guess who walked in.   That's right - our ex-employee, John (click here to read how John became an ex-employee)!  Now, at the same time, The Boss was in the kitchen (which is directly near the front door) and once John started to speak, I actually watched The Boss retreat deeper into the kitchen - almost hiding.  We all said hello and I asked why he was here.  He quickly said he came to pick up his stuff (I wonder if he remembered he had printed out porno and was concerned we would find it).  I told him that his stuff was sent to him via UPS last week and he should have received it on Thursday.  He said he didn't receive it (I don't know if I believe that) and he was in the area (now, I definitely don't believe that).  He then asked if The Boss was around.  I thought for a split second to throw The Boss to the wolves and say he was in the kitchen, but something in me felt bad for the guy.  I didn't think he could handle two confrontations in one day, much less one from someone I think he was concerned might hurt him.  So, I was the bigger person and said The Boss was not currently in the office.  I offered to give him a message or suggested that he phone later today.  John didn't seem interested in either option and again said, he was just in the area and that it was nothing important.  He then said goodbye, turned around and left.

As we watched him driving off, The Boss emerged from the kitchen and he couldn't fake that he was hiding in there from John.  He laughed it off and thanked me for saying he wasn't in the office.  He also commented that we had to get some new candidates for that position because he thought that John might be sniffing around for his old job.  I immediately thought, there is no way in hell that weirdo is coming back to The Nuthouse!  I made a mental note to add it to my to-do-list for first thing tomorrow.

The moral of the story Nutties is to not take a "normal" day for granted; we did and see what happened!  Until next time - have a great night!

Thursday, September 17, 2020

The Boss Is NOT a Good Neighbor!

 


Just when I thought The Boss can't get any worse, he really steps up and surprises me yet again!  Let me give you a bit of background info.  When we moved to the Hobbes Street property, The Boss told us that we were located in a "protected" area of our county.  At the time (and right now too), I'm not really sure what that means, but today I discovered "protected" means that if he doesn't appreciate what the neighbor across our small pond is doing, you have the right to call the police and report them.

We have a neighbor across the pond (yes, it's an actual pond - I'm not referring to England) that has some sort of business.  I don't know what they do, and I actually don't really care - and it's not pertinent to the story.  Well, this neighbor has started some sort of expansion project.  It is difficult to see exactly what is going on because all the leaves are on the trees, but we can hear them working.  Over the past couple of weeks, The Boss has become strangely preoccupied with the work going on over there.  He has "stopped in" twice and has said he drives there over the weekend (when they are closed) to check out what is going on.  Maybe we should start referring to The Boss as "John" because he is a bit stalker-ish!

We knew it was bound to happen at some point; today The Boss came in with a total fire in his pants about the neighbor and his expansion.  He complained three times before lunch that he couldn't concentrate or get any work done because of "all the noise" (sure, that is why he cannot get any work done).  He then proceeded to go outside numerous times, standing on the edge of the pond trying to determine what was going on with the neighbor.  As I mentioned he couldn't see much because of the full foliage on the trees.  By 3 PM, I guess he couldn't take it anymore!  He started roaming around the office and warehouse bitching about the noise and the fact that the land is "protected."  His constant  bitching worked himself into such a tizzy that he ended up phoning the police.  Yup, he actually phoned the police because the neighbor was working outside!  I heard him on the phone (I did not hear what the police said) stating on more than one occasion that they should come and investigate because the land is "protected."  Lord help us, now the police department knows we are The Nuthouse.

Around 4:30 PM in drives a police cruiser.  An officer walks into the office and requests to speak with The Boss.  The Boss comes running out of his office like a kid on Christmas morning.  He leads the officer outside to the pond edge and I see a lot of finger pointing being done by The Boss.  The Boss returns to the office alone and he seems quite pleased with himself.  Drew asked him what was going on and The Boss proudly reported that the officer was going over to the neighbors to have a talk with him.

As if it wasn't enough that have weirdo John to worry about (yes, The Boss is still worried about him), but now The Boss has pissed off the neighbor.  We are gaining quite a reputation around here!  Good times....good times!

Tuesday, September 15, 2020

It Looks Like The Nuthouse Is Down a Nut

 


After everyone arrived this morning, The Boss called a staff meeting and asked everyone to come into the conference room (see, I knew we needed this room for something).  After everyone settled in, he said that John had phoned him at home last evening and after some discussion it was "mutually decided" that John would no longer be employed by The Nuthouse.  

I cannot say that anyone was completely surprised by these turn of events.  After storming out of the office in the early afternoon on Friday and not showing up for work yesterday; we all knew something was going to happen.  According to The Boss, John said he didn't feel he was a good fit here and wanted to leave on good terms (too late for that).  The Boss said that he seemed a bit irrational when they spoke - saying that most of the employees were "out to get him" and he just didn't think he could make it work here any longer.  Funny, he didn't mention that he was unable to perform the main task that he was hired for, but I guess that must have slipped his mind.

The Boss said that we would be mailing him any personal effects that were left in/on his desk so he didn't have to come back to the office.  I think The Boss is concerned that John might still be holding a grudge against him.  Come to think of it, it sounds like John has a bone to pick with everyone here; it might be better for everyone if we never see that weirdo again. The Boss gave me the wonderful task of cleaning out his desk and boxing up his personal items for UPS.  He also requested that I make plans to place an ad for a replacement.  

As yesterday, John was the major topic of conversation.  It's amazing how much fodder can be found in office politics and when the participant is a crazy weirdo, it's an even hotter topic.  After lunch, I went into the warehouse to box up John's items (there were only a few) and I also made sure there were no pending items he was working on.  As I was going through the papers on his desk, I found some strange items.  First, it looks like he did quite a lot of shopping online when he was working at The Nuthouse.  I guess you can't judge someone by their purchases, but there was some strange stuff.  What you can judge a person by is when they visit  and print material from porno sites during the workday.  Yup, that's right, I found many nude pictures printed from our color printer in his desk.

Now, I will not subject you to the gory details, but suffice to say our technical representative/drafts person had some strange porno preferences.  Just when you think The Nuthouse couldn't get any stranger -  BAM! you find porno printed out in an employees desk.  Good riddance Nutjob - you give us "normal" Nutties a bad name!

Until next time and remember - don't print porno at work; it isn't fair for the poor sucker who has to clear out your desk when you leave.

Monday, September 14, 2020

Drew Had An Interesting Encounter...


I arrived this morning to a voicemail from John saying he would not be in and was taking a "re-charge" day today.  I don't know about you, but clearly with all of the recharging he needs to do, maybe he should change to Energizer batteries.  As I announced to the staff that John would not be in, Drew laughed and said he had a story to tell.

As you remember, John and The Boss had a bit of a "dust up" on Friday (click here to refresh your memory) and John left the building and did not return.  Well, we now know where he went....Drew's house!  

Drew's story began when he arrived home on Friday afternoon; he pulled in his driveway, saw a car sitting there and quickly realized it belonged to John.  Drew said as soon as John saw him pull in, he immediately got out of his car and had a six pack of beer with him. Drew parked his truck, got out and asked John what he was doing at his home and how did he know where he lived.  John laughed and said, "don't worry, I'm not stalking you - I found it on the internet."  As Drew is telling this story,  I was as surprised and shocked as everyone else.  I always thought John was a weirdo, but I never thought he would search for someones house on the internet and just show up.  Then again, he did just show up at The Nuthouse before (click here for story)  

Drew said he thought it was strange and he wasn't too worried, but he kept the visit outside just to be safe.  They sat at a picnic table and John started ranting about how poorly he was being treated at the office.  He told Drew how nasty The Boss was to him and how much he was yelling at him (for the record, the only yelling we heard was from John toward The Boss).  John continued to drink the beer he brought and complain about The Nuthouse and the employees;  for example, I didn't take fact that his chair hurt his back seriously enough and Rachael wasn't always as nice to him like she is to others. He also said he didn't understand why everyone needed drawings so quickly.  I guess, according to John a small CAD drawing produced in one week is normal and why would anyone expect it sooner than that.

Drew said he listened to him and didn't say very much because he didn't want to get him any more worked up.  After about two hours of complaining, Drew said that he had an appointment he had to get to and maybe John should go.  Drew then got up from the picnic table and walked John to his car.  When Drew said he would see John on Monday, John just laughed and said that he didn't think so.

The Boss was listening to the story intently and after Drew was done, he questioned if Drew thought John had a "real issue" with him.  I think The Boss is afraid John may go postal on him.  Drew told The Boss that John was just blowing off steam and is more talk than bite and not to worry (easier said than done for The Boss).  Next thing I know, I hear The Boss on the phone to his wife telling her to look out for a blue car around the house.

As you imagine, Drew's story and conversations about John encompassed the entire day.  It was interesting to have someone else to discuss other than The Boss for a change.  I'm not sure if we will be graced with Johns' presence tomorrow, but if he is here, I'm sure The Boss will make sure he is not alone in a room with him.

Interesting stuff indeed!  Until tomorrow Nutties!

Friday, September 11, 2020

How Fitting...A Shitty End To a Shitty Week!

 


As if this short week couldn't get any longer or shittier; I arrived this morning to find Frick floating belly up in his tank (click here for a Frick and Frack story).  I am well aware that fish don't live forever, but I have the sneaking suspicion that The Boss might have had something to do with Frick's, earlier than expected, demise (click here for story).  Of course, I cannot prove anything, but I hope he realizes I am keeping my eye on Frack - keep away from my fish you crazy bastard!  Even my co-workers were sad about our mascot - these two crazy fish were sadly, the most normal things in The Nuthouse.  Next week can only be better....right?

Update on The Boss' drawing - it is still MIA!  Yes, I am laughing on the inside about it - I know, I am an awful person.  The Boss called John into his office for a "quick talk" today.  I am not exactly sure what was said, but if I were a betting man I would say it was concerning the turnaround times on requested drawings.  The conversation became a bit heated (on John's end) and it seemed that John didn't quite appreciate the topic of the The Boss' talk.  He stormed out of not only The Boss' office, but also the building and we didn't see him again for the rest of the day (oh, darn).  The Boss didn't have much to say about it when people asked but at the same time, he didn't seem too concerned.  It will be interesting to see how this plays out.  You know my thoughts on that weirdo!

I am happy to say that this short week is finally over.  I am looking forward to spending the weekend with my two furry boyz and attempting to recover from the longest short week ever!  Until next week Nutties!

RIP Frick - may you swim forever in crystal clear seas!  



Wednesday, September 9, 2020

Why Do Short Weeks Always Seem Like the Longest Weeks?

 


I cannot explain why, but I'll say it - I hate short weeks!  Don't get me wrong, I enjoy having a Monday off just as much as the next guy, but I think the days following that Monday off seem like they are each two weeks long!  It is only Wednesday and I truly feel this week should have been over yesterday - morning! 

This being a short week as well as having The Boss back from vacation has been quite a lot to deal with.  The Boss came in today and immediately decided he needed coffee to get his motor started.  As we have previously discussed, of course, he doesn't make coffee like a normal person (click here for how coffee is made).  If you can believe it, coffee making this morning was even more annoying than usual.  The Boss filled, stepped back and dumped water from the carafe a total of four times this morning.  Picture it - water in the carafe, step back to see the water level, then take some water out, step back again and then realize too much water was taken out - now more has to be added.  After the fourth time, he finally decided that he had the proper amount of water and he felt comfortable proceeding to adding the coffee grounds.  All this for a cup of coffee.  I may not drink coffee, but even if I did, I would have to question if that process was worth the final result.

I heard from Drew that The Boss requested a simple drawing from John on Tuesday morning.  I think the The Boss assumed he would have the drawing on the same day (you know what they say happens when you assume).  As you can imagine, the drawing was not presented yesterday and as a matter of fact, he didn't receive the drawing today either.  Now that John's incompetence is affecting The Boss directly, the world has stopped spinning.  The Boss has spent the entire morning questioning everyone about how has it been working with John and if John has been able to provide drawings in a timely manner. The Boss ended the day telling everyone that he might have to have a discussion with John if he doesn't get the drawing tomorrow morning.

As if today couldn't get any more annoying - The Boss has decided that he needs to mow the lawn.  So, out comes the respirator mask, the gloves, goggles and his special safety suit.  I swear, if this week doesn't end soon, I may need one of those re-charge days that John requested recently.  The Boss got all of his "gear" on, went outside and then had difficulty starting the mower.  After a few attempts, he asked one of the guys from the warehouse to help.  Alex came out and successfully started the machine and The Boss was on his way.  Next thing I know, three minutes has passed and The Boss is back in the office and has to use the restroom...he now has to take EVERYTHING off to use the facilities.  So, he is taking off all the protective clothing and equipment and, of course, has to fold them neatly, etc.  I actually thought I was going to scream out loud.  It took all the strength in my body not to say, can't you just piss and get it over with!  Into the bathroom he goes and in ten seconds (no exaggeration) he is back out putting that stupid shit back on.  Serenity Now, Serenity Now!

The day ended much as it had begun - I was annoyed and I couldn't believe it was only Wednesday.  Only two more days Nutties, two more days!

Monday, September 7, 2020

Sorry I'm Late - My Weeks End Was Hell!

 


You know what they say about good intentions! Well, I had all intentions of letting you in on how our week ended at The Nuthouse sans The Boss, but my messed up life somehow got in the way.  Let us use the "way back" machine to take you back to my post on Wednesday.  Remember...we had a great day - The Boss didn't call and the world was spinning perfectly!

Fast forward to Thursday; The Boss had clearly broken free from his captor (his wife) and called us seven...yes, seven times!  After call number one (first thing in the morning, might I add), all subsequent calls were for ridiculous reasons.  Sometimes I think he just phones to see at what point he drives us to the brink of insanity. By days end, we were all done with Thursday and looking forward to having another Boss free day on Friday.  You know what they say about being careful what you wish for....

When I arrived on Friday morning, I thought I was first in the office, but I was wrong.  I walked in and what did my unbelieving eyes see.....The Boss, sitting in his office.  I really thought (hoped) I was seeing things and at the same time felt so defeated I thought I was going to weep.  Why would he come in on a Friday?  Why does he hate us so much?  Did his wife get as annoyed with him as we do and cut their vacation short?  Is he going to be here all day? Why, why, why?

When I inquired if everything was okay and wondered why he was back from his vacation early, he said it was always his plan to come in on Friday and then he inferred that he had told me this information prior to his departure.  Nooooo, he never said he was coming back early, much less coming in on Friday - I clearly would remember news like that!  It was so sad; as each Nuthouse employee arrived for work, I watched the realization of The Boss' presence register on their faces.  Some of them looked even closer to tears then I was.  As you can imagine, the rest of the day was annoying, long and tedious.  Add that to the fact that we all were still quite shell shocked by his attendance.

As if my Friday couldn't get any shittier, on my way home I stopped at Lowes to pick up a battery operated leaf blower for my small yard.  I ordered it online during lunch and choose curbside pickup.  Cooper has a habit of eating tree debris on the ground and I thought this purchase might help stop him from consuming and regurgitating said debris on my rug.  Lowes is about half an hour from my home, but only a short jaunt from work, so I picked up my purchase on the way home.  I also stopped at the grocery store, the drug store  and picked up pizza for dinner. I arrived home a little after 8 PM with my haul.  I ate some pizza and then decided to open the blower up so I could use it first thing in the morning.

Here is where the day gets even shittier - you didn't think that was possible - did you?  To be honest, I didn't think it could it either, but clearly I was wrong.  I broke open the box that was put in my trunk at curbside pickup and the fricken box was empty.  Well, it wasn't exactly empty - it contained the battery and the charger..just no actual blower.  I too am now questioning what have I done in a past life to deserve this today?  I also realize that Lowes is now closed, so I cannot call them.  I also discover that I am out of beer and I could really use a beer right now.  I decided to eat some more pizza and go to bed - maybe if I sleep the shittiness of the day will stop piling up.

First thing Saturday morning, instead of blowing the yard clean, I am in my car traveling to Lowes to find out where the hell my blower is.  When I arrive, of course, the return line is out the door.  I finally get to the front of the line and tell the girl my story and she looks at the box and dumbly (like it was my fault) says "of course there is no blower in there, this box says display".  I then kindly tell her that maybe she should inform her product pickers to not choose the display box when picking items for curbside pickup.  Maybe, on second thought, the empty display box shouldn't even be with the boxes that customers might purchase.  She looks at me like I have spoken to her in Klingon, turns around and walks away.  Now, I know I am going to sound like an 80 year old man when I say this, but I am very concerned for the future of our planet.  These young people (not all, but most) are USELESS!  After waiting in line and talking to the most helpful customer service representative (yes, that is sarcasm).  I wasted over one hour, but was leaving the store with all three components of my purchase (yippee).

I arrived back home and cleaned up the yard for Cooper.  Yes, he still was able to find crap to eat, but not nearly as much as he usually does and no one threw up on any rugs.  There might be hope for this long weekend yet.

Enjoy your Labor Day Nutties!