Friday, August 7, 2020

More Random Stories From The Nuthouse

Nothing earth shattering occurred this week at The Nuthouse; just the normal craziness.  I thought it might be time for another addition of "Random Stories From The Nuthouse."  As you know, these are snippets of things heard around the office, but they don't quite have enough "meat" to warrant their own blog posting.  Enjoy....

  • I overheard our warehouse manager Adam pitching a fit about his parents this week.  He was quite upset that his Mom asked him to come home at a decent hour during the week because he keeps waking up his Dad who is having some health issues.  Adam made it perfectly clear to all those listening that he thinks this request is both ridiculous overstepping her bounds.  Did you remember that Adam still lives at home at his advanced age?  (click here to read about Adam).
  • I think The Boss believes he fluent in French.  We have a new customer in Canada and The Boss reached out to him this week.  When he was connected to the individual, he started his conversation with Bonjour and said his name.  When the person responded back in French, it was quickly apparent that The Boss had no idea what was just said.  Now, most normal people would just speak in their native tongue.  The Boss did that to a degree...he decided to speak his version of French - English words with a weird French accent.  He sounded just like Pepe Le Pew from the Looney Toon cartoons..  It was hilarious; I hope he finds more French customers!
  • John was in the kitchen grabbing a cup of coffee earlier this week and The Boss ran from his office to join him.  I don't really know what was so important that it required such a dash from his office, but I did hear him informing John not to dump anything down the sink because someone had been putting bad stuff down the drain and clogged it up completely.  He added that he had to fix the clogged sink himself (click here for the real story).
  • Drew requested a small CAD drawing from John earlier this week (remember, he is our drafts person/technical representative).  First, he had trouble finding the program on his computer (strange), but then, once he found it he wasn't quite sure how it worked.  I believe Drew is still waiting for the drawing he requested.  I heard John comment to someone in the warehouse that our CAD program doesn't look anything like the one he used in school.  In case you may have forgotten, John is approximately 45 years old.  Has he not used a CAD program since college?  I'm going to go out on a limb here and say the program may have changed a bit since then!  Oh boy, this is going to be interesting.
  • John is still settling in at The Nuthouse. He continues to comment that his chair aggravates his back (click here to read story).  I asked The Boss about it and he said the chair is fine and it just needs some time to conform to his body.  I think some of the "shine" is wearing off our new employee.  For as annoying as The Boss can be, he really does crack me up sometimes.
  • It's no secret that 2020 has been a total shit show.  I'm thinking that before the summer is officially over, I should get away for a couple of days.  Maybe head to the ocean and breath some salt air (at a safe and social distance, of course).  I think I may take a long weekend.... think you'll miss me?
  • There must be a big shindig coming up at church this weekend.  Mike and Wayne have been spending a great deal of time together this week going over religious stuff.  They are keeping to themselves, so I don't think it is a membership drive (click here for the last membership drive).
  • On a personal note, I spoke with my Mom this week and she said she had a dry cough.  She contacted her doctor and they wanted to do a tele-med appointment with her and maybe test her for COVID.  She told them she didn't know how to do that and has since decided that she feels a bit better - plus she had a hair appointment, so she is going to do that instead of speaking with the doctor.  Yup, my parents are slowing driving me to drink!
Have a great weekend Nutties!  Get out there and enjoy what is left of the summer...snow will be here again before you know it!  Until next time...

Tuesday, August 4, 2020

Guess Who Made It In Today?

Yesterday was going to be the first day for our new draft person/technical representative John; but guess what.....he called in sick!  No, I misspoke when I said that, he didn't actually call in for his first day of work.  He didn't show up at all and we had to call him, at which time he said he was ill and would not be in.  I couldn't make this shit up if I tried!

The Nuthouse opens at 8 AM and by 8:30 AM The Boss was becoming concerned that John hadn't arrived and that no one had heard anything from him.  I inquired if he knew what time we started and The Boss assured me that he had discussed it with him on Friday when he came in to sign his employment papers.  By 9 AM, The Boss decided to phone him and after about six rings, John picked up the phone.  Now, I don't think John had put The Nuthouse number in his contact list, because when he initially answered, he sounded chipper, but once The Boss identified himself, John immediately sounded a bit under the weather.  He told The Boss that he was sick and wouldn't be able to make it; he then said goodbye and hung up.  To say The Boss was pissed was an understatement - it was hilarious!

Fast forward to today.  No one knew if John would be coming in or not.  No one knew, if he wasn't planning on attending the festivities, if he would call in or not.  So many questions....  At 7:55 AM we had our answers; bounding up the walkway like a dumb labrador retriever was our newest Nuthouse employee, John.  He came in said good morning and asked where he was sitting.  He did not mention a word about yesterday and he looked pretty healthy too.

The Boss came out to meet him and asked how he was feeling and John replied, "great."  This just added to the anger from yesterday.... again, hilarious.  The Boss took John out to the warehouse where he would be stationed and must have told him if he needed anything special to let me know and I would make sure we ordered it for him because before The Boss had made it back to his office my intercom was ringing and it was John.

Now, mind you, I had put paper, pens, paperclips, phone manual, computer passwords, etc. on the middle of his desk yesterday in preparation for his first day.  I had planned on sitting with him after he settled in to get him up and running.  He was not looking for anything like that, he was wondering if there was another desk chair around because the one currently at the desk hurt his back.  How could this ass-hat even know that his chair hurt his back - he has only been here ten minutes!  I swear, this weirdo is going to go down as the worst hire in the world! 

I am reluctant to say that John may be more annoying than The Boss, but I am beginning to wonder if it is true.  God help us all - hasn't 2020 been bad enough already?

Friday, July 31, 2020

The Nuthouse Had Something of a Goth Vibe Today!

It's my favorite day of the work week once again Nutties - join me in saying hello to our good friend FRIDAY!  Sometimes I find it difficult to come into work every day during the summer months - I would much rather be outside enjoying the beautiful weather!  That being said, the last time I checked I am not independently wealthy, so here I am on a beautiful summer day surrounded by nut jobs!

The big event for today was the arrival of our newest employee John.  He officially starts on Monday, but he was coming in today to sign his new employee paperwork and to join us for lunch.  The Boss thought this would give everyone the opportunity to meet and spend some time with our new colleague.  Now, most of us had already met John when he came in recently (and also when he showed up unexpectedly just to say "hi").  For this story, I need to describe what John looked like when we previously had made his acquaintance.  John looked to be about 45 years old, medium height, stocky build with salt and pepper (more on the salt side) hair and a goatee.  Now, this description was what he looked like when we originally met him.  The original description of our colleague has changed a bit from who actually walked into our offices today.

Around 11:30 AM, the door opened and a man walked in.  At quick glance, he looked familiar, but at the same time, different.  OMG - it was John and he didn't look like I remembered him! John still had the same medium, stocky build but now his hair and goatee was so dark black that it almost had a blue hue to it. It looked like he had a fight with a container of shoe polish and definitely was on the losing side!  I immediately did a double take and had a hard time believing what I was seeing.  This man, who had  salt and pepper hair, now resembled the goth guy who works at the local coffee shop.  What the hell is going on with this weirdo?

When I tell you that words could not accurately describe the look on The Boss' face when he saw John, I am not exaggerating, but I will try!  First there was confusion (do I know you), recognition (yup, I know you), puzzlement (what is going on with you), shock (did you really dye your hair so black it looks blue), disgust (yes, you did dye your hair so black it is blue) and then back to confusion.  All of these looks passed across The Boss' face in a matter of a second or two - it was awesome to see!

John signed his new employee paperwork and we all sat down for lunch.  He did most of the talking and it was mostly about himself (he just keeps getting better and better).  After two hours we all had work that needed to get done, but John just wasn't getting the hint that it was time to go.  So finally, The Boss speaks up and said "John, I think it's time to go..see you on Monday."  Next thing we know, John is gone!

Don't worry, I have no doubt our newest goth nuttie will be here bright and early on Monday morning.  Yup, it's going to be an interesting ride with this weirdo!  Enjoy your weekend!

Wednesday, July 29, 2020

Stop The Presses - A New Nut Is Joining the Nuthouse!

Well, this news will come as no surprise to ANYONE, but The Nuthouse is gaining another employee beginning on Monday morning.  The Boss announced this afternoon that after much thought and consideration, he has decided to hire John as our drafts-person and to assist with technical representation on some of our jobs.  It has become quite obvious that The Boss does not like interviewing for job openings, so it is no shock that the first person he spoke with about this position would be the one that he hires - even if the guy is weird AF!

The Boss spoke a little about John's credentials and confidently assured us that he will be quite an asset to the organization.  He also reminded the salespeople that with a technical representative in house, they may not have to visit job sites as often.  This will allow them to make more sales which would equate to more commissions.  The sales staff seemed pleased at this new development.

The Boss let us know that John will be coming in on Friday during lunch to sign all of his new employee paperwork.  He has also asked him to join us for lunch; this will allow us all to meet and get to know him in a relaxed environment. I wonder if he will be even weirder (if that is possible) when he is in a relaxed environment.  I hope I am wrong about this guy, but something just seems a little off about him.

Drew spoke up and asked where John would be sitting since we are at capacity in the front office.  The Boss agreed that there is currently no available room for him in the main office, so for the time being, he will be stationed at a desk in the warehouse.  The Boss assured us this is only temporary because he has some contractors coming in to price out transforming a portion of the warehouse space into new office spaces.  He says that we are growing at a great pace and we need the extra space.

Wow, maybe I will soon have a quiet area where I don't have to watch Drew spitting into his garbage can while he speaks waaaayyy to loudly on the telephone.  Finally, something to look forward to here at The Nuthouse!   Enjoy your evening!

Tuesday, July 28, 2020

We Don't Need No Stinkin' Statements!

I cannot believe that it is the last week in July; where the heck did the month go?  Although 2020 has been a total shit show, this year is really flying by.  At this rate, it will be Christmas before we even realize it.  The Nuthouse continues to be busy and sales have been great considering all that is happening in the world.  The fact that we are still operational and doing well is not lost on us...we are so lucky considering some other businesses are still attempting to find their footing.

Since it is the end of the month, it is time to send out statements and/or late notices to our delinquent customers.  Our sales terms are net 30 but sometimes our customers may take up to 45.  I feel that statements are a good way to remind our customers of amounts due without making phone calls.  I don't think it is a stretch to think that statements should be sent to customers reminding them that they have a balance due to our organization; The Boss on the other hand seems to disagree.

As the statements are coming off the printer, The Boss walks by and watches me as I folded them into envelopes.  He watches for a couple of minutes and asks what am I doing.  I tell him that it is the end of the month, so it is statement time!  He looks at me like I have two heads, shakes his head and says, "we don't send statements here."  Now, we all remember The Boss' idea of  proper accounting practices before I came here (click here for accounting story).  I quickly responded that I have been sending out statements since I started and implemented our accounting program.  I remind him it has aided in cutting down phone calls and increased collecting our past due amounts.  The Boss seemed surprised at my response and again stated that he never sent statements before.  I wanted to say that maybe that would be the reason there were unpaid invoices over one year old when I got here, but I didn't (see I can hold my tongue sometimes).

He watched as I finished the mailing and then asked if I sent them every month (yup, I do).  He then offered to drop them off at the Post Office since he was going there to check the mailbox.  I immediately had this strange vision of him throwing them away and them never making it to the Post Office, so I politely declined and said that I would add postage and get them ready for the mailman's arrival this afternoon. Better safe than sorry!

I swear, if this man had his way, we would still be doing A/R in Microsoft Word and never calling or following up on customers that do not pay.  I don't know how this organization made any money before we had normal business practices in place.  I guess he was fortunate that the majority of his customers were honest and paid at some point.

Rest assured; the monthly statements were picked up by our mailman this afternoon!  Until next time Nutties!

Saturday, July 25, 2020

Our End of the World Is Getting Back to "Normal"

Sorry for the late post; after having our "team building" day yesterday and closing the office early, I started my Friday night as soon as I entered my car in The Nuthouse parking lot.  That being said, I didn't get a chance to post my Friday thoughts until right now - Saturday night!  Happy Weekend Nutties!

Yesterday, The Boss decided that he would run and grab lunch (rather than having it delivered), because he had some errands to run.  Not to look a gift horse in the mouth, but when he runs to get lunch, it TAKES FOREVER!  I'm not sure what exactly his errands were, but they must have been numerous because he didn't return with lunch until well after 1 PM.  Now, let me tell you a little about me and food.  Although never confirmed by a doctor's note, I am under the belief that I suffer from bouts of low blood sugar.  It is not at all debilitating, but if I don't eat at normal intervals, I tend to have a severe reaction.  Now, some who suffer from this condition may feel light-headed or sick; my symptoms are a bit different - I get down right mean!  I can be alone in a room and become irritated to the point of grinding my teeth for no other reason than it is time for me to be fed.  I guess I really am just an infant in a grown man's body!  Fortunately, I know how I am (and can become), so I always have snacks in my desk.  These snacks might be the only thing standing between me and a jail cell at times. 

When The Boss finally arrived with the food, I was teetering on the edge of hurting someone.  He walks in the office without the food but carrying three Costco sized packages of toilet paper!  I know you remember from my previous posts how much toilet paper The Boss buys for the office (click here for toilet paper story), but with the recent low supplies due to corona virus, his stock has been greatly depleted.    He put the packages of TP in the kitchen and went back outside.  I thought he was retrieving the food, but no.... next, he comes in with three even larger packages of paper towels.  The only thing going through my brain is, did this man forget the damn food?  Where is it and if he doesn't bring it in soon, I am going to need to go to my snack drawer again!  Luckily, the third trip outside was to bring in the food - and it ended up being delicious!

This brings me to the reason behind the blog title today - I guess our area is getting back to normal because he was able to find and buy such a large cache of toilet paper and paper towels.  I wish I could have been able to see his face when he saw all those paper supplies - he must have been so happy! It's the simple things!

All in all, the team building day at the office was relaxing and nice.  Lunch was delicious and we all sat around and caught up with each other.  Leaving early was wonderful also - the weather, although hot, has been so beautiful, so it was nice to get an early start on the weekend. I may work in a nuthouse, but it keeps me entertained!

Thursday, July 23, 2020

Extra!, Extra! - The Nuthouse News!

  • I already was aware that Frick and Frack were very popular with my co-workers (everyone except The Boss) (click here to learn about Frick and Frack).  I think they are so popular that others may be sneaking additional feedings to them when I am not around.  Due to these additional feedings and the size of the tank, I had to spend some time during lunch today cleaning their tank.  I carefully transferred The Nuthouse Mascots to a separate container while I cleaned the small tank in the kitchen sink.  Of course, The Boss came in while I was performing this task to, once again voicing his concern that the "fish tank is exceptionally loud."  He then asked me how long do fish live????  Damn, I think he may be plotting against my gilly friends!
  • He also made sure to remind me as I was cleaning the tank to not let anything but water go down the drain because he and Drew just unclogged the sink.  Now, what would/could I put down the sink that would cause a problem?  It wasn't like I was cleaning the coffee pot!  Secondly, I was unaware that anyone assisted Drew in the sick unclogging...I guess I was mistaken! (click here for the true story)
  • The Boss met with the security specialist company again today (click here for security story).  I think finding out that our possibly new employee John was waiting here on Monday morning freaked The Boss out just a bit.  I think because of that encounter, he may be even more adamant about increased security around the building.  As I have stated before, I don't think this increased security will every come to fruition and if we do waste the money on this crazy idea, we might be able to sell our outside security tapes to the nature channel because all there will be is wildlife footage.
  • Speaking of John - today The Boss was looking for an area "to place a new employee."  Currently, there is no available room where we are all sitting, so maybe the weirdo can "bunk" with The Boss or Mike (like that will ever happen) or maybe he can have a desk in the warehouse area.  That sounds like a feasible option since he is going to be the technical representative....and, as a bonus, keeps the weirdo away from me! I hope I am wrong about him...
  • The Boss informed us that tomorrow we are going to have a team building day.  It is my understanding that this will consist of lunch and going home a bit early - that sounds like a great team building to me!
  • On a personal note - I spoke with my parents last evening via FaceTime; of course, hilarity ensued! (click here for FaceTime story).  Honestly, it wasn't as bad as it has been in the past.  I was fortunate enough to see both of their faces and not too much of the ceiling.  My Dad also had his pants on this time, so bonus points there!  They are doing well and staying healthy.  The news says that the area of the country where they live is currently exploding with Coronavirus, but they are being careful and trying not to take to many unnecessary chances.  I keep reminding them that they aren't "spring chickens" anymore - and they don't really seem to appreciate my reminders.  My Dad calls me a wise guy and states he can still kick my ass if he needs to.  Gotta love parents!