Saturday, October 31, 2020

I Am Not as Young As I Used to Be - Recovery Takes Longer!


Good morning...or should I say good afternoon Nutties.  Yesterday, I met some friends after work for cocktails and snacks.  It was my full intention to be home by eight and post my recap of yesterday's Nuthouse news.  Well, you know what they say about good intentions!  I stayed out waaayyy past eight and ended up crashing on a friend's couch because I was unfit for driving.  It's been a while since I indulged like that...I must have needed to relax a bit, but I have to admit, I'm not loving my choices right now.  Don't get me wrong, we had a great time, everyone was able to catch up and I was even able to entertain the troops with a few stories from the Nuthouse, but recovery is not as easy as it was when I was a younger man!

Having said that, let me get an industrial sized coffee and catch you up on what I had planned on reporting last night when I was supposed to be home early (and sober).  Friday morning started out like all our other mornings this week.  Our hop-a-long leader arrived a couple of minutes later than usual and still had all his gear in tow.  I swear, I NEED to see what the hell is in that messenger bag and backpack, they are like a thousand pounds each!  We were also graced by the presence of our contractor.  By the end of the day, we had a hole in the conference room, providing direct access to the warehouse!  He says he will be back to finish framing it in and hanging the actual door next week.  For those of you wondering, The Boss didn't spend near the amount of time with the contactor that he had previously in the week (which is why we actually have the door hole cut out).  I think The Boss is finally getting the hint - if he spends a great deal of time with this man, he will leave and not return for a day or so.  So, if The Boss wants work to be accomplished; he must leave the contactor alone.  Hey, I bet that theory would work in The Nuthouse too....a guy can wish, right?

As the day progressed, The Boss continued in his attempts to move around the office - but this day, he decided he should mix it up a bit and try to accomplish movement without being bogged down with those pesky crutches.  I swear, he looked like a newborn baby giraffe trying to get around without his crutches.  Now that I think about it, I don't know which was more dangerous - him with or without crutches.  All of the moving around seemed to exhaust him more today than usual and by lunchtime, he was much more stationary than previous days.  It was nice not to watch him almost fall, catch himself and then oooh and aahhh about it all day.  I just wish he would stay in his office more often.  A guy can wish, right?

I have a feeling next week he may lose the ace bandage accessory he has been sporting for the week. I think he is getting tired of trying to get around and still play off that he is extreme pain.  It is becoming reminiscent of the time he hurt his foot and then "forgot" it was injured (click here for recap).  We will see what next week brings; either way, I'm sure it will be entertaining!

Around 4 PM I received a text from my friend asking if I wanted to meet after work for drinks and snacks.  We haven't all gotten together in a while and it sounds like fun.  He assured me that it would only be a few hours, as he had something he needed to do first thing Saturday morning (we all know now how that turned out).  

Needless to say, I am moving a bit slower than a normal Saturday.  I think that I am going to relax on the couch with my two favorite furry boys and I promised myself I will not be doing that crazy stuff again for a while.  I am also going to make sure my lights are out tonight so I don't get any trick or treaters....the last thing I want to hear right now is that doorbell!

Happy Halloween Nutties; stay safe and don't eat too much candy.  See you on Monday!

Wednesday, October 28, 2020

We Couldn't Expect Two Days In A Row...

Yesterday, we reveled in the silence of The Nuthouse...The Boss decided to work from home.  He called in the morning and said his injuries were really bothering him and his wife thought it would be best if he stayed away from the office. Now, don't get me wrong, even without his physical presence in the office, he still drove us all nuts by phoning every hour and sometimes twice, but just not having him here was beyond wonderful!  We all thought that after a day working from home, he might realize it was easier for him and just stay there until he was able to get around in an more efficient manner.  Our dream didn't last long at all - he was back in the office bright and early this morning!

When I arrived, I saw his car in the parking lot and I actually said "f*uck me" out loud - a great way to start a Wednesday!  I made my way into the building and there he was attempting to make coffee with his wrapped knee and crutches from 1920.  He wasn't able to do his normal coffee making routine (click here for recap), so it actually wasn't as painful a process as it normally is.  The joy didn't last long; in the first twenty minutes I was in the office, he had gotten up from his desk and went somewhere three times....there was no doubt about it, today was going to suck!

Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, in walks the contractor to cut the door in the conference room so we don't have to leave the building and go outside to enter the warehouse.  Don't get me wrong, I was pleased as punch that we were finally going to get that door.  I, for one, was sick and tired of having to go outside to bring materials to the warehouse.  It is getting quite cold on the east coast and donning a jacket just to go to the warehouse was getting old.  I knew that the arrival of the contactor (i.e. a person who didn't know about The Boss' injury) was going to cause The Boss to have to tell the injury story again (you know the one about the messy warehouse, not the true one about his walking around a working warehouse in the dark).  He was also going to have to discuss his diagnosis and his timetable for recovery.  Lastly, with work being done in the conference room, he would now have one additional place to visit on his jaunts during the day.  Lord, give me strength!

As expected, The Boss spent a lot a of time with the contractor and on more than one occasion his crutches became entangled in construction debris, supplies and/or tools.  I could tell just from the tone of the conversations, the contractor was getting quite annoyed by The Boss' presence.  Fast forward to lunch time - the contract left for lunch and never came back.  Wow, it's like this has happened before...(click here for recap).

By the close of day, The Boss seemed a bit drained from all his running about and decided he needed to leave a bit early.  I asked if he would be working from home tomorrow, he said he wished that he could, but he has much too much to do tomorrow and needs to be here. Lucky us!

Until tomorrow Nutties!

Monday, October 26, 2020

The Boss Is Hurt and We Need The Pain Killers!

After the injury that occurred on Friday (click here for recap), I was totally prepared for today being painful, but honestly, I was unprepared how painful it was actually going to be.  I was first to arrive this morning, to an empty parking lot and I immediately knew we were in trouble.  The Boss is usually first to arrive in the office nine out of ten days.  Since he wasn't in when I arrived, I knew his injury was going to be the main source of pain and discomfort for us all today.

By 8:30 AM all Nuthouse employees were present and accounted for - except for The Boss.  He clearly planned his later arrival to make sure he had a "full house" when he arrived.  Around 9:15 AM, the door crudely opened and in walked, or should I say, in hobbled The Boss.  He was on crutches that looked like they were from 1920.  He had a messenger bag around his neck and it hung in the front of his body.  He also sported a back pack that was stuffed so full, it made him stoop forward at the waist.  A pack mule on a trip down the Grand Canyon might not have as much gear strapped to him.  He also had an ace bandage wrapped around his knee on the outside of his pants.  I guess that was so no one would be able to forget about his injury.  I had a feeling that he wasn't going to let anyone forget about this injury...

I got up to help take the messenger bag and backpack - they both were so heavy I wondered if they contained rocks!  I made sure the path was clear to his office, figuring he would want to sit down immediately.  I was correct about him wanting to sit down, but I was wrong about the location.  He found a vacant chair in the front area of the office, so he could hold court for a while.   His first comment was not to worry about him, he was going to be fine (Oh, god, this recovery was going to suck big moose c*ck).  He continued, and reported that he has a strained MCL and a sprained ankle.  He will need to take it easy for a while, but should heal just fine.  Rachel asked a couple of questions, which he answered in great detail and then finally made his way to his office.  We thought that would be the last sight of him for the rest of the day....we quickly discovered how wrong we were.

Now, a normal person would stay put for the day and only get up to use the facilities.  As we have already established, The Boss is not a normal person.  This idiot was getting up (or attempting to get up) what seemed to be every 15 minutes.  First, he had to go the warehouse (he will not use the intercom), the kitchen, the bathroom, outside or just walk around his office.  Each time he attempted to rise from his chair, we heard his pained cries, swearing and/or huffing.  This spectacle continued all frickin' day, each and every time he moved!  After I returned from lunch, I asked him if he wanted some chocolate pudding (this was a reference to a hilarious episode of The Office called The Injury - check it out if you haven't seen it).   He didn't get the joke, but Drew did and let out a hearty laugh when he heard me ask. I know it sounds mean, but by that point I was just done with all of his theatrics. 

He made his way to the door around 4 PM and said he would see us all tomorrow (god help us all). Clearly, I and the rest of my co-workers will all need chocolate "pain killer" pudding to help us survive the remainder of the week.  

BTW - no contractor today to cut a door in the conference room....yup, big surprise (insert sarcasm).

Friday, October 23, 2020

Injury At The Nuthouse...and It Was Not Wayne!


If you're a fan of our little blog, you know that most likely when an injury occurs on-site that Wayne is involved.  In his short tenure at The Nuthouse, he has famously burned off his eyebrows (click here for recap) and branded his own hand (click here for recap), and that was all before his three month anniversary.  He will always be a walking disaster, but today the injury we are discussing was sustained, not by Wayne, but rather The Boss.

Now, The Boss is not immune to injuries either; if you remember, he injured himself while on vacation (click here for recap), and we all suffered for that injury.  He also doesn't have a good record with the forklift in the warehouse (click here for recap), well today that same forklift exacted its revenge.  

We arrived this morning to find The Boss sitting in the middle of his office in his chair with his leg up on his visitors chair and a hand towel of some sort draped over his head.  He looked a bit like a pouty Cam Newton when he is having a bad game.  As you can imagine, no one wanted to broach the subject, but we had to ask what was going on. Oh, here we go...

So, as the story goes, The Boss arrived this morning and went in the warehouse to turn everything on.  We have these enormous overhead lights that take a while, once turned on, to come to full illumination. They almost have to warm up first.  So, when you flick the light switch, the warehouse doesn't immediately light up.  This is where the issue began.  He didn't wait until the lights reached full illumination (or any illumination) and attempted to navigate around a working warehouse in the dark (sounds like a smart decision... right?).  Well, as you can imagine, a normal person would not attempt such a foolish task.  As we have established, The Boss is not normal; he ended up tripping over one of the forks of the forklift and twisted his ankle and/or knee (we aren't quire sure yet).  He also reported that he is "all scraped" along his leg.  Then in perfect "Boss" fashion, he started complaining that the warehouse was messy and that was why he had his accident.  Yup, there is always someone else at fault for his poor judgement.

As the morning progressed, the sighing and the oohing and ahhhing continued to help illustrate to everyone he was in "extreme pain".  Someone suggested that he go to insta-care or even the insta-care at the orthopedic center near the office.  Each time someone make the suggestion of seeing a professional he said he would think about it.  All I could think was that this day was going to be a year long having to deal with this boo-boo.

Around 3 PM The Boss spoke with his wife who also must have suggested seeing a doctor, because as soon as he finished his call with her, he was out the door.  We didn't hear from him again before we left for the day, but I'm sure we will all know the outcome first thing Monday morning.  Maybe I feel an illness coming on and might not be able to make it on Monday....we will have to see.

Enjoy your weekend Nutties!

Tuesday, October 20, 2020

The Boss Had An Idea!


It happens sometimes, The Boss gets an idea.  Now, this idea may be something that has been discussed previously by others or it may be to correct a totally stupid, asinine previous idea of his doing.  In case you were wondering, the idea that The Boss came up with today covers both those scenarios.

As I have bitched about on numerous posts, The Boss had a conference room built (thank goodness, now we have somewhere to eat our lunch), but in doing so utilized and removed the only entry to the warehouse from the office area (click here for recap).  Initially, I don't think this lack of entry was bothersome to The Boss.  It gave him an opportunity to spend even more time away from his desk, he now had to actually exit the building to get to the warehouse to gab with the staff),  it provided him some "fresh air" time and a bit of extra steps for his daily FitBit tally.  As they say, the worm turned once inclement weather became a factor.  The Boss was not happy when he had to exit the building during one of our many rain storms this summer to gain access to the warehouse.  This only occurred a couple of times, so it was quickly forgotten.  Now the weather has changed in a more dramatic fashion; in 2020 there is no fall on the east coast -one day it is 85 degrees and the next day you wake up and it is feels like winter.

Today was one of those days.  The high today was a blustery 50 degrees with both wind and clouds.  Not a very nice day to go for a stroll to say the least.  Today, The Boss had to make four (necessary) trips to the warehouse.  That is not counting his three unnecessary trips.  So, a total of seven trips outside, across the parking lot and then back to return to the office.  After his sixth trip (yes, I was counting), I heard him on the phone talking with someone about some changes he wanted to make to the conference room.  I didn't think much of it, but once I saw the contractor who built the conference room walk through the front door, I knew exactly what was about to happen..... we were going to FINALLY get a door!

The Boss and the contractor entered the conference room and exited about 15 minutes later.  The contractor said he would be by next week.  The contractor left and The Boss was quick to sit down in the middle of the room to tell everyone what was going on.  He started off by saying that he had an idea last evening and after the inclement weather today and his numerous trips to the warehouse, he knew it was really a great idea.  He outlined how the contractor was going to cut a hole in the wall and create a door.  This way we would enter the conference room and exit the new door into the warehouse.  He really was proud of this idea and actually said that it would make life for everyone much easier.

We all just looked at him, shook our heads in agreement and went back to work.  I think he was disappointed that no one fawned over this "great idea".  Dejected, he returned to his office for most of the remaining day.  Needless to say, we never should have not had a door to the warehouse...who the hell would build a room that way, but I am happy to hear we are finally getting a door.  Better late than never!

Friday, October 16, 2020

Happy National Boss Day!


Happy National Boss Day!  Today is the day where workers everywhere celebrate the wonderfulness (is that a word?) of their bosses.  In The Nuthouse we like to celebrate this holiday also; just not in the way nature intended.  Instead, today we will be revisiting some of our favorite "classic" Boss stories.  I hope you enjoy this trip down crazy.. I mean, memory lane!
  • Did you realize that the Bahamas is "right near England"?  I didn't either, until I became employed in The Nuthouse.  Thank goodness I came here when I did, my lack of proper geography could have been quite embarrassing if it had been discovered (click here for recap).
  • Do you know how long you should warm your car prior to driving it in the winter?  According to The Boss it is much longer than you may think.  It's like I learn something new each day! (click here for recap)?
  • Be careful - there are entities monitoring your emails.  They want to know what you say and what you purchase from Amazon...beware! (click here for recap)
  • Forklifts can be dangerous when they fall into the wrong hands or hands that don't know how to run them. (click here for recap)
  • Something else learned while employed at The Nuthouse - heat + plastic do not mix.  Another tip I am sooo happy I learned; it has saved me countless amounts of money and time. (click here for recap
  • We learned that bees can be dangerous creatures and they also have a tendency to be annoyed by The Boss.  Sorry Fed Ex guy! (click here for recap)
  • Did you know that thermostats and ditches can be treacherous?  You learned it here first! (click here for recap and here for recap)
These are just some of my favorites, but luckily for me there are many more.  Happy Boss Day to all the "normal" bosses out there and for us at The Nuthouse; it's just a day to reflect and hope tomorrow (or in this case Monday) is a little better.

Happy weekend Nutties!

Tuesday, October 13, 2020

Today Was My Monday


I forgot to mention in my post last week that The Nuthouse would be closed on Monday.  One nice thing about our office is that if the banks are closed, The Nuthouse is closed.  I'm not sure why that is (since we do not have anything to do with banking), but I am not complaining.  Yes, for those of you who are long time followers, you will be pleased to know that I did not receive a "reminder call" on Monday morning (click here for day off reminder story).

When we arrived back at The Nuthouse this morning, it was business as usual.  The Boss had made coffee and I missed the entire production -thank god for small favors.  The Boss also made it known to everyone within earshot that he was going to be mowing the lawn today and that he is planning on this being the last time for the season.  I cannot say that I will miss his lawn mowing productions (click here for recap)!

We decided that we would all have lunch together and eat in the conference room.  Again, I say, thank goodness we have that room (insert sarcasm here).  I volunteered to go out and grab the food and as I was leaving our driveway, our neighbor across the pond was driving by.  I waved to him and he ignored me.  I guess if you're mad at The Boss you are angry at the entire Nuthouse (read recap here).

The rest of the day was uneventful, but seemed to drag on for a year and a day.  When 5 PM finally arrived, I couldn't get out of there quick enough.  Home to Cooper and Milo - my two best buds in the world!

Until next time Nutties!

Friday, October 9, 2020

My Warning For Potential Employees


Yup, it's been one of those weeks!  Enjoy your weekend Nutties; see you next week!

Wednesday, October 7, 2020

Happy Hump Day From The Nuthouse!


  • Mike took yesterday off and seemed much better when he came back today.  You will be happy to know, The Boss' anxiety level is at a much lower level compared to Monday (click here for recap).  It is my understanding that Mike switched medications and these new meds are working better at handing whatever was making him so miserable.  I'm glad Mike is feeling better, but I have to admit, it was awesome how annoyed The Boss was getting every time he heard a peep coming from Mike's direction.
  • The Boss commented that he believes he is responsible for Mike feeling better because he told him he might want to consider changing medications.  Yup, rest assured, Mike never would have guessed that his old medication wasn't working without the notification from The Boss.  Lord, help me, he is insane!
  • The Boss has continued to wear a mask whenever dealing or speaking with Mike.  I guess he is concerned that Mike's allergies might be communicable.  This man should just dress in a hazmat suit and call it a day!
  • We had a couple of candidates come in for our technical representative/draftsperson opening, none of which The Boss seemed too impressed with.  It is my belief that The Boss feels foolish for originally choosing John and is so concerned about making a poor choice again, that it will result in him not picking anyone.  God help us if he hires another weirdo that prints out porn during his work hours (click here for recap).  What are the chances that he finds and hires someone like John again?  I know, we are talking about The Boss here...
  • It was raining so hard today that it was difficult to even see across the parking lot.  I think it is finally occurring to The Boss that the inability to access the warehouse directly from the inside of our building is becoming a bit problematic.  Remember, he famously had a conference room built which used the entry door to the warehouse with no exit from the new room (click here for recap).  I heard The Boss call the warehouse twice today via phone rather than making his actual "in person" visit.  I also heard him tell someone on the phone, "I cannot go to the warehouse right now, it is raining too hard and I am still soaked from my last trip".  I guess he doesn't appreciate having to don a slicker and umbrella to gain access to another portion of the building.  Poor baby - maybe think things through a bit more next time you fricken' ass!
  • That being said, work has continued to stay steady and even picked up a bit in the last week or so.  The company continues to grow and prosper in spite of the captain leading the ship.  Just think what we could accomplish without a Nut in charge!
Only a few more days left Nutties...we can do it....we are strong!  Until next time!

Monday, October 5, 2020

It's Funny What Annoys The Boss

For a while now, I have written about how annoying The Boss can be on a daily basis and then outlining those instances so you too can share in my misery.  I thought we would turn the tables a bit today and discuss something that occurred today that ended up annoying The Boss to such a degree that he had to exit the premises and go home.

As you can imagine, it is fall on the East coast and the weather has quickly gone from hot and oppressive to cool and damp. The funny thing about this change is that it seemed to happen overnight - like someone flipped a light switch labeled "seasons".  This change in season has not only created a change in wardrobe, but has brought seasonal allergies to the forefront.  It didn't take us long this morning to discover that Mike is an allergy sufferer and today he was suffering badly!  When he arrived, he looked blotchy and had puffy, red eyes.  He was also carrying a box of tissues and was already sneezing.  He said he has always had allergies, but over-the-counter medicine has helped keep them in check.  He said this weekend his medicine seemed to stop working and he was left sneezing and blowing his nose the entire weekend.  

The Boss arrived a couple of minutes late this morning and immediately went into his office.  It only took about three seconds of sitting there for him to hear the sneezing and blowing coming from Mike's office (they are next door to each other and share one wall).  The Boss came out of his office and was wearing a mask!  He then stood in Mike's doorway and asked if he was okay.  Mike told him that his allergy medicine seemed to stop working over the weekend.  The Boss immediately asked if had been around anyone with COVID or did he have people in his church that visited China?  All I could think was OMFG, he we go again (click here for recap).  He also asked if Mike had taken his temperature this morning.  I could see as this conversation was progressing that The Boss was getting more and more anxious.  We better be careful, he might pull out the hazmat suit again just to be safe (click here for recap).  After a few more questions, The Boss seemed content with the answers that Mike gave to his medical questions and went back into his office (closing the door, I might add).

This is when the sh*t show started... Mike continued to sneeze and blow his nose almost constantly.  If this poor guy wasn't sneezing, he was blowing.  After about 15 minutes, I began to hear some rumblings coming from The Boss' office.  I didn't think anything of them, but as the blowing and sneezing continued, so did the rumblings and some drawer slamming, along with some file slamming for good measure.  Thirty minutes into the sneeze fest, The Boss burst from his office, busted through the front door going outside and walked across the parking lot to enter the warehouse.  I looked at Rachael and said, "I think we finally found something that annoys him as much as he annoys us....Mike's sneezing and nose blowing".  We all laughed and told Mike to keep it up (like he had a choice).  Today might be an interesting day after all!

The Boss came back into the office seeming to have calmed down from his outburst and trip to the warehouse.  Well, that serenity didn't last long - Mike sneezed once again and it was like someone lit a powder keg and The Boss exploded!  He went back into his office, assembled the mask back on his face and stomped to Mike's doorway again.  He angrily wanted to know what medicine he was taking and when he took it last.  He also commented that "maybe he should try another brand" since the one he was using "clearly is not working".  I thought I was going to piss my pants!  This crazy man is soooo annoyed right now and he is barely holding it together.

He slammed back into his office and commenced with loud sighing and slamming every time he heard a noise from Mike.  It evolved to the point that every time Mike sneezed or would blow his nose, I would immediately laugh - I couldn't help myself!  After another hour had passed, The Boss came out of his office and he resembled like an actual insane person.  He looked at me and breathlessly said, "this is ridiculous, he is driving me nuts, I cannot stay here" and he all but ran out the front door.

As he exited the building and drove away, I had difficulty stopping my laughter.  About five minutes later, I heard Mike's cell phone ring and the next thing I know Mike is standing in his doorway.  "It was The Boss", he said, and he told me "to stay the hell home tomorrow if I cannot stop that incessant sneezing and nose blowing".

Wow, just all I could say!  If I were Mike, I would thoroughly enjoy my day off tomorrow if I was still sneezing and blowing or not! 

Friday, October 2, 2020

Well, I Cannot Un-See That!


As you know, it's been a rip-roaring, strong smelling week here at The Nuthouse.  I am happy to report  the stench of death has diminished a bit as the week progressed.  The Boss must be getting tired of lighting and extinguishing all of the those votives each day (click here for recap), because I heard him mention yesterday to Adam that he will be coming in over the weekend to "air the building out".  

On a positive note, I also heard that The Boss is not going to be in the office today.  This benefits us two-fold; one, he is not here (bonus) and two, he will not be holding a church service in his office with all those votive candles.  Today, our office will not smell of rotten death and apple pie!  Let us all rejoice!

We all were going about our day and enjoying the solitude of a Bossless Nuthouse when the unthinkable happened - the front door opened and he strolled through it.  To say that we were immediately shocked would be an understatement - not at his appearing at The Nuthouse, but rather, his actual appearance.  It pains me to even convey it to you because it helps the picture in my head (which I cannot erase) to become even clearer...people, I can not un-see the frightful spectacle I am about to communicate.

The Boss walked into the office in workout gear. Now, not workout gear like you and I would wear.  No, he came through the door looking like an older, plumper and bumpier version of Lance Armstrong.  Yup, it looks like he has taken up biking and his first purchase was a bright white, spandex ensemble, possibly a size too small; leaving nothing to the imagination, I might add.  To complete the look, he also donned a bike helmet - yes, he actually wore his bike helmet into the office.   The helmet was one of those aerodynamic jobbies that reminded me of a weird bird head.  I immediately wonder, did he put the helmet on when he exited his car or did he wear it while he was driving to The Nuthouse.  Now, I thought when I passed drivers on the highway wearing their masks it was weird; if I saw this nut job with a biking helmet on when driving, I would have crashed my car!

To say the staff in the front office was shocked at his gear would not be a strong enough sentiment.  Most of the employees just stared like they were going by a grotesque accident on the highway.  No one said a word, they just watched him flit around in his getup and make a phone call from his office.  He then came out into the main room, wished everyone a good weekend and was on his way.  After we watched him drive away, we all looked at each other in utter disbelief - did that really happen?  No one said anything for a few minutes and then Drew said, "I didn't know The Boss was Jewish".  Everyone paused a moment and Rachael started cracking up.  We all joined in and busted Drews' ass the rest of the because he even looked there.

My plans for the weekend, you ask? Just a scrub brush directly to my brain in an attempt to erase this entire day from my memory bank.    Shalom to you all!