Field Trip To Look At A New Building

As you know, my entire tenure in The Nuthouse has been in a warehouse rental space.  The Boss has recently been hyper-focused on our need to purchase a building because we have outgrown the space we are renting.  I guess the fact that we hired a new salesperson who doesn’t have a telephone, desk or computer doesn’t matter right now.  Lets find a building!

We loaded the office staff into the company vehicle and the warehouse crew took Adams' car and we all went to see a building today.  I know, we were scheduled to take this field trip yesterday, but The Boss had something come up and the trip was rescheduled for today.  If I could be perfectly honest, after my fiasco with the beeping smoke detector yesterday, my whole day seemed off, so it didn't break my heart that we didn't go.  

Now, let us discuss the building we saw today.  It is located in a different town and although looks to be a greater distance for me to drive, it will be easier to get to.  I count this as a win - I don't mind being in my car a bit longer if I am constantly moving.  Traveling to and from our current location entails many lights as well as stop and go traffic which can be very annoying at times.

The building itself is located waaayyyy back in the woods.  The road (if you can call it that) to get there is unpaved and has potholes that could easily swallow an 18-wheeler.  The trees and weeds are so overgrown along the "road" and there are no street lights or other people around.  This area would be a great place for someone to disappear and live off the grid, but I will keep an open mind.

There is a good-sized parking lot (much larger than we currently have) and more than enough room for staff and trucks to come and go.  There is a long concrete walk up to the front door and the outside of the building seems to be in good shape.  From the outside, this place looks promising, all that is needed is some landscaping help - lots of help!

As I enter the building, I see a small storage area with sink, a large middle room that has an extremely big display case /walk up counter taking up most of the room.  There are two offices directly off the middle room and a door that leads to large warehouse area.  Then I see it! The best sight I have ever envisioned!  I can only imagine it is the same feeling a person in the desert would get when they finally stumble upon a water source.  What did I see, you ask -  I am looking at both a men’s and women’s bathroom!    I open the men's room door and lo and behold it wonderful, clean and doesn't look like multiple murders occurred there (as our current facilities do).  I don’t need to see another thing – THIS PLACE ROCKS!  If I didn’t know better, I think my bladder was smiling right now.

He asks for our opinions and what we think would need to be accomplished for us to be comfortable here.  We each had a few comments, but nothing ridiculous or too difficult to do.  The only thing that may be an issue is for the time being there will be a few of us sharing the middle room and The Boss wants to keep the behemoth display counter that is there.  He really likes it!   I don't know how he believes there will be enough room for people, desks and this monstrosity!  He is really adamant about this this, but it is not worth arguing about right now.

As we are closing up and walking to the cars The Boss has a surprise announcement.  He has already decided to purchase the building and started the paperwork.  He has also informed us that we will be moving in on March 1st.

When I hear this information, my brain kicks into gear.  Isn't March 1st  right after everyone returns from a week long trade show in Vegas?  How is that going to work?  We REALLY have to get rid of that fricken display counter sooner rather than later - before he starts to focus on it and gets really "attached" to it.   Well, this is The Nuthouse!

Could The Nuthouse Be Rubbing Off On Me?

I'm beginning to think I have starting taking my job home with me.  No, not real work related stuff - just the craziness that surrounds me each day in that place.  Let me explain.

Scene Opens - dark apartment, man snoring softly, still feeling the effects of the NyQuil cocktail he consumed before bed, dog sleeping soundly at the foot of the bed.  Everything seems perfect in the world.

Clock ticks to 4:56 AM ..beep...howl.....beep...howl.....beep...howl.  As I quickly clear the cobwebs from my over the counter, drug induced coma, I realize that this is a harsh reminder that I did not change the batteries in my smoke detector a couple of months ago. 

Damn you smoke detector, couldn't you have "reminded" me on a Saturday afternoon around 2ish?  What is with this 5 AM crap!  The dog continues to howl each time the shrill beeping occurs (which is approximately every five seconds) and I know I have to change this battery before he wakes EVERYONE in the neighborhood.

Oh, I forgot to tell you the most important part of the story.  Yes wise ass, I have a replacement battery! I had intended on making the change a few months ago when I changed the clocks for daylight saving time (or the other one - whichever one we do when it is cold outside).  See, the important fact I forgot to mention is that my ceilings are nine feet and I don't own a ladder.  Stop laughing you sickos - so, this task has just added an extra layer of interesting.

As the dog continues to howl every five seconds, I begin to play what I affectionately call "Home Interior Jenga".  This fun or all ages game involves dragging items across the apartment floor to the area of the detector and stacking them thus allowing me access to the nine foot ceiling.  Now remember, I am still feeling some of the effects of my cold and the NyQuil I took last night, so this is going to be REALLY fun!  I drag the kitchen table over and add the ottoman on top; with a bit of stretching (I really need to start doing yoga), I am able to access the panel, replace the depleted battery and make my world quiet again.  I'm sure the neighbors are quite pleased with the canine alarm clock they had this morning.  Nice to know I continue to make friends wherever I go!

Well, that really got the blood pumping this morning.  I am up now; I might as well get an early start on the day.  My real alarm is scheduled to go off in approximately one hour. 

Good Morning World!

Patient Zero Has Returned!

I'm happy to say that I am alive and feeling much better!  So much so, that I returned to The Nuthouse this morning and wasn't even dreading it (I know, maybe I am still running a fever).  To be honest, I was more than ready to escape from the four walls of my apartment; having been sick since Wednesday night, I am actually quite happy to be anywhere other than there!

When I arrived this morning everyone was very nice, asking how I was feeling, etc.  They may be crazy, but everyone here is genuinely kind.  I made my way to my desk and stuck my head into The Boss' office to say hello and tell him that I was back.   He turned his chair around toward the door and I could have swore I physically saw him back away.  He said he was glad to hear I was feeling better and questioned if I should have taken one more day, just to be safe.  I assured him that I was perfectly fine and thanked him again for being so kindhearted by giving me an extra day to recover.  As I turned to leave his office, I couldn't believe what I saw on his desk......one of those white surgical masks that everyone in China is currently wearing to hopefully quell the spread of the coronavirius.  My god!  It was a freakin' cold!  I'm better now!  I did not/do not have the coronvirius!  #hypochondriac

I am happy to report that some traction was made on getting materials together for the upcoming trade show.  Mike, Rachel and Drew must have come to the realization that they were going to be standing in a 10' x 20' space without any materials if they were going to waiting for The Boss to make decisions.  There is actually a staging area in the warehouse where items are being gathered for the  shipment to Vegas.  I think am beginning to see light at the end of this tunnel (and this time, I do not think it is a train) - this event might actually yield some positive results!  Did I mention I a positively tickled that they all will be leaving soon!

My day ended with The Boss telling us not to bring anything for lunch tomorrow.  We are going to on "field trip" to see one of the final contenders in the search for a new company home.  He wants us to see it and give our impressions.  Hey, as I have said before, if it has a clean bathroom my bladder and I am in!  I can be ready to move in three hours or less!

Just Call Me The Little Engine That Could....

I am happy to report that I am still among the living!  I am feeling a bit better after not leaving my bed on Thursday, Friday (big shout of to The Boss for the extra day to recover) and a large portion of this morning.

This afternoon I was actually hungry and wanted to eat (it's the little things)!  I am going to continue to rest, but it is my plan to be back at the Nuthouse bright and early Monday morning.  I think if I were to take any additional days off, "The Boss" might contact the CDC to tell them of his hypothesis -  I have contracted the coronavirus.  I definitely need to show my face to prove I just am a boring individual with the common cold.

Talk soon....

No, It's Not the Coronavirus!!!

Good morning from what I believe may be my death bed!

I woke up late last night and felt like I had been run over by a bus and possibly two trains.  I got up, took some cold medication and then crawled back to bed hoping that this was all a bad dream.  When my alarm did go off this morning, I quickly realized that this was no dream....I was not only sick last night but feel even worse now.

I made myself some hot tea and knew I had to call The Boss and let him know that I had no chance of coming in the office today.  I knew this phone call was going to be almost as painful as my pounding head.  I put it off as long as I could and finally put on my "big boy" pants and made the call.

He answered on the third ring and I apologized for calling so early and told him I wasn't going to be able to make it in today.  He was very understanding and actually suggested that I take tomorrow off too.  He told me to rest up and asked if I needed anything.  I immediately had a pang of guilt, I have been thinking (and commenting) about how crazy this guy is and he ends up being very sympathetic to the fact that I feel like crap.  Maybe I should not be so harsh and narrow-minded.  Maybe he is just quirky and I have to learn that's the way he is and always will be.  Maybe I'm being too judgmental.

Well, my feelings of guilt evaporated as quickly as they appeared when he said the following:  "Do you think maybe you have the coronavirus?  Have you been around anyone from China recently?  Maybe you should go to the doctor, just to make sure.  I have a compromised immune system and should not be an around illness like that"

Yup, he is crazy and I don't feel badly for thinking or commenting about it!  I hope to be back soon - if I am lucky enough to survive, what The Boss now believes is, the coronavirus.

I Have a List of Names!

I arrived this morning and the moon, sun and stars must have aligned while I was sleeping, because sitting there on my chair was a list of names.  Now, if I am to be honest with you, I did not expect to receive the list today.  I hate to think I am becoming a pessimist,  I have started to get accustomed to not expecting materials in a timely manner.  I hate to say it, but The Boss just doesn't have the same sense of urgency that you would think the owner of a company would have.  That being said, I have the names....so reservations here I come.  I wanted to thank The Boss for the information, but he was meeting with someone I hadn't seen before.

Back to the reservations - it looks like everyone will be going (The Boss, Rachel, Mike) and someone named Drew is also on the list.  Just as I am about to ask around to see who the heck "Drew" is, the door to The Boss' office opens and he introduces us to our newest salesperson....Drew!

At first glance, I notice that Drew is wearing work boots, jeans and a NASCAR jacket.  An odd choice for an interview outfit, but who am I to judge?  Who am I kidding - I LOVE to judge!  He seems friendly and has a loud, deep laugh.  At closer inspection, he is also carrying around a plastic cup.  As I wonder...why the hell is this guy carrying around a plastic cup, I quickly discover why.  He chews tobacco and spits some nasty looking brown sludge in the cup at regular intervals!  Now, I am not the queasy type, but for some reason, this visual gives me the heebie jeebies (I'm not sure if I'm spelling that correctly, but you know what I mean).

The Boss takes Drew to the sales area where Rachel and Mike currently sit and introduces them.  He tells Drew that this is where he will be sitting for now.  He also mentions that we are in the process of finding a new building that will give us more space.  Drew sits down in a chair.  This is the only piece of office furniture that is available, there is no desk and more importantly, no telephone that he can use.  How exactly is a person to succeed in a sales position without a working office telephone or desk.   A more important question rolling around in my head is where the hell is he going to put that plastic spit cup?   OMG, this is going to be soooo interesting.  I am going to bet you right now that we will move to a new facility before Drew is presented with a desk or phone.  Is anyone willing to take that bet?  Come on, I'll give odds!

Back to my only task for today - reservations.  I don't want to miss the opportunity to send these crazy people away for a few days next month (did I mention that I am looking forward to them being gone?).  The Boss has said that he would like everyone to fly out the afternoon of the 22nd and fly back February 29.  I have been tasked at finding the best and most economical flight and to reserve hotel rooms at the Westgate (the convention center is attached to this hotel).

This task would have been a walk in the park and a few clicks of a mouse if they had been made months ago (like a normal, non-nutty person would do).  Considering we are less than one month out, flights are not only expensive, but I cannot get everyone on the same one.   That is not too huge of a problem, at second thought, probably everyone should not fly together for safety reasons (see, I always find the bright spot), but the hotel is another story.  The Westgate has been booked for MONTHS!  Of course it has, it is the hotel that is connected to the convention center and where everyone wants to stay for easy access to the trade show.

So, no Westgate hotel for our employees!  Fortunately, Vegas is not lacking in hotels, but we have encountered another problem.  Since the Westgate is not available, The Boss wants to stay as close as he can to the convention center and the choices are not the greatest.  Everyone else has mentioned staying at a hotel on the strip and then taking the monorail to the convention center.  The Boss doesn't want to take the monorail, he wants to have the ability to walk from the hotel to the show.

All afternoon the conversation has centered around Vegas hotels; I just need them to decide where they are going to stay!  They can stay in a hostel for all I care, I just want them to be booked and scheduled to leave!  Finally after going back and forth, I was able to get everyone a room at the MGM Grand and they will take the monorail to and from the show.

Then the other shoe drops, The Boss has informed me not to make a reservation for him.  He is going to make his own reservations someplace closer so he can walk to the event each day.  He says he cannot be bothered to wait for the monorail each day.  Well, you don't have to tell me twice, it looks like my job here is done!  Bets on if The Boss books himself an actual room in time or if one of the salespeople will be stuck with him bunking with him.  I bet Rachel is giggling to herself right now because she knows she will not be getting stuck with him.

Important Things Accomplished Today!

Welcome to another Monday fellow nutties!  I am back for another fun-filled and infuriating week of work in the Nuthouse.  I had a great weekend and am happy to report, had no calls from The Boss  (thank goodness for small favors).

My Monday started off with hopefully the answer to the question on everyone's mind - who will be attending the major Vegas trade show February 25-28.  Well, I don't want to keep you in suspense any longer. (drum roll, please) The Boss still hasn't decided.  He is going to "deliberate for a while" and will let me know soon.  I cannot say I am surprised.  I probably would have choked on my chewing gum if he had provided the names of anyone (working here or not) as attendees.

As the day progressed and he continued to "deliberate" he did have time to write the following  important memo:

To:  To Whom it May Concern
From:  The Boss
Subject:  General Remarks

This may not apply to you.

Please let everyone know when you are leaving the building so your calls can be properly routed.  Sometimes people leave and everyone is unaware that they have.  Whomever answers the phone continues to buzz offices when there is no one there.  Customers are then left on hold while the search continues, etc. etc.

Since we will have new staff members joining us soon, it will become even more important that you let everyone know whether you are available or not.

_____________________________________

(Cue sarcastic voice), I'm so glad the afternoon was used to convey this important information.  Rest assured, there is NOTHING going on that is currently more important than telling everyone where you are going so no one is looking for you. (enter eye roll now)

I do know one thing for darn sure - as it currently stands, NO ONE is going to be at the Vegas trade show!  Will that be changing anytime soon?  Tune in again tomorrow for the continuing saga of who will be on the plane to Vegas.