TGIF - Time To Let Loose!

Hello and welcome to FRIDAY!  I'm sure I am not the only one overjoyed to see this week come to an end and what a week it was.  Throw off your banana peel and lets get this recap out of the way so we can start our weekend!

As I predicted, the rest of my week has consisted of preparation for the trade show I told you about in my last post.  I am not exaggerating when I tell you that I inquired about what staff would be attending the show at least 25 times.  The Boss promises me that he will have an answer for me on Monday morning.  I told him that if he doesn't come up with some decisions soon, his staff would be flapping their arms to get there and then sleeping on the Las Vegas strip.  We will see when Monday comes around if I am making plane and hotel reservations  - I hope for the attendees sake he is able to decide.

I was able to get a partial list of materials that are going to be exhibited in our 10' x 20" space (The Boss actually wrote it down for me).  I have started working with the warehouse staff to get samples/materials made that hopefully will look perfect.   I was told by Adam, that Wayne (remember - no eyebrows), would be making the samples and I should talk to him directly.  This confused me since Wayne hasn't even been here as long as I have, and he is going to make the samples???  I shouldn't be surprised, as I have mentioned before, Adam has one speed - slow and he is not very conscientious about doing things in a neat and orderly way.   I don't think he wants the responsibility of making "perfect" samples for an exhibition.

Today, I spent some time in the warehouse with Wayne.  Just for the record, his eyebrows have started to come back in and he looks even stranger then when they were totally missing.  Do you realize how difficult it is to look someone in the eye who have burned off their eyebrows?  Trust me, I do not recommend it - it's disturbing!

Now, back to Wayne; first, let me say again that he seems to be a very nice guy, but he is still quite fidgety and jumpy.  When I started to discuss the items that we were going to need, he became a total "yes" man.  I would have been a bit more comfortable if he had asked some questions, but right now he is leading me to believe he knows exactly what I am talking about.  That's comforting because I don't totally know what I am talking about - thank goodness he is here!

As the meeting progressed, Wayne seemed to be relishing in what he felt was his newfound responsibility.  He was "sample man" and he had a very important job plus time was of the essence.  That's when the problems started.

He started to get a bit more fidgety, but also with a bit of swagger (as much swagger as a jumpy man with no eyebrows can be).  This combination turned out to be quite a dangerous mix.  Close your eyes and picture this ....He was trying to act "cool" and started to walk backward, when doing so, he bumped into a table, at the same time when he put his hand down to steady himself it landed directly on a hot branding iron..  Now, these branding irons have to be at least 300 degrees F.   As you can imagine, he let out quite a yelp and jumped away from the table.  This action brought an entire stack on empty cans crashing to the ground, creating quite a racket and mess, not to mention the skin was now peeling off of his palm.

The Boss heard the crash and came running out to see what had happened.  When he saw the mess and the injury, he just shook his head and went back to his office.  Alex drove Wayne to the insta-care clinic (they might need to give Wayne preferential parking there); he is going to be okay and will need to keep the wound clean and dry.  I think my next meeting with Wayne should be in an empty room, maybe with will both be safer that way.

While Wayne was gone I took it upon myself to order an extra large first aid kit for the office - if Wayne continues here, we are definitely going to need it.  I don't know if he will still be "sample man", only time will tell.

Have a great weekend and see you on Monday!

We Are Exhibiting At An Upcoming Trade Show

When I arrived today, The Boss was waiting for me.  It looked like he had been in the office for a while and at first glance he seemed a bit frazzled (more so than usual). He immediately begins by telling me about this huge trade show that occurs every year in Las Vegas.  He says that in past years, the company has only attended - but this year would be our first year as an actual exhibitor.  This is a big deal and illustrates that we are moving in the correct direction.

He talks about how large of an event this is/will be and how much this event will help not only increase the cache of the company, but help to bring in future sales.  I am a bit surprised that this is the first I am hearing about such an important event.  My mind immediately goes into overdrive - why have I never heard about this around the office?  What preparations have already occurred?  I haven't noticed any expenditures associated with this event, is anything set up?

I imagine this event must be happening in the late spring or early summer, which would help explain why this is the first mention of the event.  Suckers, did you forget where I work?  Let me remind you...the Nuthouse!  This event isn't in the spring or summer, it is being held in Las Vegas, Nevada, February 25-28 OF THIS YEAR!  That is approximately ONE MONTH from today on the other side of the country!

The Boss then says, "he may need a bit of help getting ready for this event".   Why do I think this is going to be the understatement of year?  So, I begin peppering him with easy questions, who is going - he hasn't decided yet.  What about plane and hotel reservations - those cannot be made until he decides who will be attending.  How big is the exhibit space - 10' x 20' (I was wrong, one thing is set up).  Do we have a list of what will be shipped and going in the exhibit space - he says he has some ideas, but nothing on paper yet.  My God, I'm going to stick a rusty nail in my eyeball, it would be less painful than this conversation (and bonus, I could leave to go to the emergency room)!

I feel my pulse begin to quicken and my eyes begin to roll.  Now, let me tell you a bit about me growing up.  My Mom has always said that since I was a child my emotions, especially that of disgust or exasperation, could not be hidden from the world around me.  She would say between the look on my face and my eyes rolling, my feelings were quite easy to decipher.  She would remark that my eyes began rolling at a very, very young age and became even more pronounced as I entered my teenage years.  Let me assure you, as an adult, I STILL roll my eyes and I honestly don't even realize I am doing it (yup, I have that shit down to a science).

I cannot believe that we are less than a month away from what is being described to me as the most important event of the year and NOTHING has been done to prepare for it!  Welcome to the tenth circle of Hell!  I think that I will be spending some quality time here for the next month.   If I am to believe the stories about Hell, at least it will be warm (see I always try and look on the bright side).

I quickly realize, as I hear the ticking clock in my head, that I am going to have to get some concrete answers from The Boss if I have even a chance of pulling this event off.  I then asked a couple of additional questions.  I honestly don't even remember what they were, I think I was still in shock from the earlier answers and wanted to silence the screams inside my head.  I was comforted to hear many of his responses to these questions were similar in nature to my earlier ones, "he has some ideas, but nothing concrete yet".  Has this man even decided he is attending?

Did I mention that sometimes I sometimes hate my life when I am here.  Maybe I should discuss this with someone.....I ask again, is insanity contagious?  This is going to be an interesting few weeks.

And, Poof...It Was Like It Never Happened!

Good Morning everyone!  I hope you enjoyed your three day weekend (if you were lucky enough to have one).  I was quite successful in fulfilling my important objectives for the weekend;  I caught up on some streaming, took a couple of naps and even watched the two NFL conference championship games.  Now for your sports update for today - it looks to be an interesting Super Bowl this year!

As you may have remembered from my Sunday morning post/rant; The Boss felt the need to "remind" me that we did not have to work on MLK day.  To convey this reminder he decided it was imperative to contact my out of state parents when he was unsuccessful in reaching me directly by phone at 6:30AM.

Now that we are all caught up, curtain opens to the current day.  When I arrived at the Nuthouse this morning, I was looking forward to comparing notes and stories with my fellow colleagues to see who received the earliest call.  If I were a betting man, I would have to say I had this easily won. He had to have phoned me first - it was 6:30 in the frickin' morning for god sake.  I also know he couldn't have phoned the parents of anyone else (extra points right there)!   I just had another thought; what actual time does this man get up on a Sunday morning?

Moving On. The Boss had not arrived, so I checked in with the guys in the warehouse and told them my tale of woe, they laughed and all said they never received any phone call from The Boss.  I found this difficult to believe and asked were they sure they didn't just miss the call?  Remember, The Boss never actually left a message for me, instead he decided he would call my parents (mental note: in case you were ever wondering, this is the always a better option then just leaving a message).

I checked with Rachel and Mike and asked if The Boss had woke them up on Sunday morning when he called.  They gave me the same look I had received from the warehouse staff and wondered what I was talking about.  I cannot believe it - they hadn't received a phone call either!  Why was I the only person he called?  Didn't anyone else need/deserve a reminder?  I know he heard me talking about my plans for the long weekend on Friday afternoon along with everyone else.. what the hell?

He finally arrived for the day and (wait for it) NEVER SAID A WORD about the shenanigans on Sunday morning!  It was like it never happened!  No...he had not phoned my parents, at what was 4:30AM their time, to inquire where their child was.  He had not called me at 6:30AM on a Sunday, as a friendly reminder that we were closed the following day.  Nope - it was like the events of Sunday morning didn't even occur!  I cannot make this lunacy up; this is the weirdest thing EVER!!!  I definitely am adding this to the discussion list for the next after work drink meeting.  Maybe someone there can explain it to me and help me understand.

BTW - Yes, I looked for my ICE paperwork and I cannot find the damn document anywhere!  I better put a reminder on my phone to contact my parents before the next three day weekend.  I will need to assure them that no matter what The Boss says when he calls, (most likely at the ass crack of dawn) I am not dead in a ditch someplace....I am just ignoring his reminder.

Until next time.... yup, I have no doubt something insane with happen here again soon!

Reminders For Days Off Are NOT Required

When I became a full-time employee at the Nuthouse, holidays, vacation and sick days were discussed.  I was provided a list of holidays which seemed to mirror if financial institutions and mail delivery were closed, the office would be closed.  This seemed like a great benefit since many of the organizations I had temp'd for actually worked some of these days.

We were coming up on a three day weekend (thank you Martin Luther King, Jr.) and I was looking forward to sleeping in, catching up on some streaming and possibly even reading a good book.  Yup, my life is jam packed and I am a party animal!  It seemed like everything was falling into place, because it was going to be a very cold and snowy weekend.  This assured that I wouldn't look like too much of a loser just staying in my apartment the entire three days.  I wasn't the only one looking forward to this three day weekend - it was a hot topic in the office and everyone seemed like they needed a bit of a break.

One more piece of information before I fast forward to 6:30AM this (Sunday) morning.  When I agreed to stay on full time, I was asked to complete this short form which asked for my name, address, phone number and a number for in case of emergency.  This seemed totally normal and I presented the completed form to The Boss on my first official day.  Although I haven't revealed much about myself in this blog, I am single and do not really have a ICE (in case of emergency) person.  That being said, I thought my best (and only) option would be my parents.   I thought, why would they EVER need to be called?  What emergency would ever occur to me at the Nuthouse that would require their notification?  I'm sure they would never be bothered by anyone from here.  Well, I learned this morning, how wrong I was!

Fast forward to 6:30AM this morning (Sunday).  I did not hear my phone (located in the other room) ringing.  I must have been dreaming about all the things I was not going to get done on this long weekend.  Truth be told, I don't think I would have answered it anyway - who the hell would bother me at 6:30AM on a Sunday?  mmm....wonderful sleep....

It is now 6:45AM and I am awoken from my dream - if I remember correctly, I am playing volleyball on a beach in the Caribbean....gosh, dreams are wonderful!  Yes, that is my phone ringing from the other room.  I stumble out and as I pick it up I see it is my parents.  I am surprised and a bit concerned for such an early call and I answer it immediately.

I am unable to even get the entire word "hello" out of my mouth before my mother inundates me with questions.  "Where are you, are you okay, were you in an accident from the snowstorm, why didn't you pick up the phone for your boss"?  Wait a minute, what the hell is she talking about?  As I wipe the sleep out of my eyes and say all the right things to calm my mother down, I am able to get the whole, sorted story from her.

I can now see, I missed a call from The Boss at 6:30AM.  He didn't leave a message, but I can see the missed call.  He then must have then promptly PHONED MY EMERGENCY CONTACT - MY PARENTS!  He told them he had tried to call me, but I didn't answer and did they know where I was.  I maybe forgot to mention - my parents live in ANOTHER STATE and are two hours behind me (so, they received this call at 4:30AM in the freakin' morning).  Of course my parents didn't know where I was, but now they were worried and had to get in touch with me to make sure I wasn't dead in a ditch somewhere (my mothers favorite and most used expression of my demise).  After spending over half an hour on the phone, my mother now believes I am not only okay but alive!  She did ask if there was something weird with The Boss... was he on the spectrum?  Yes, coffee actually came out of my nose when she said that!

Oh, most importantly, I almost forgot the reason for the 6:30AM call from The Boss.  It was a reminder that the office was closed tomorrow! 

If you are off on Monday, enjoy your three day weekend!  My plan on Tuesday morning - taking back that ICE form from "The Boss"

Drinks After Work Are Now Story Time...

I met some friends after work last night for a few drinks and to catch up.  We hadn't all been together in quite a while and our "meeting" was long overdue.  After catching up on how everyone survived the holidays, the topic predictably turned towards work.  Now, everyone was well aware of my inability to choose a full-time vocation.  It had become somewhat of a running joke that I change jobs like I change my underwear.  Which is why temporary work had suited me just fine (if you ask me, I think they were just jealous and sad that they do the same thing day in and day out)

In the past, this group of friends had enjoyed hearing about the organizations I had been placed with and some of the interesting people I had met along the way.  No one was aware of my latest placement or that I had recently accepted an actual full-time position there.  When I told them that I was no longer doing temporary work, they wondered, had I retired (I wish), was I going back to school (yeah, that had worked out well in the past) or had I met a "Sugar Mama" who was subsidizing all of my needs, wants and desires (now, that doesn't sound bad at all).  When I informed them that I had accepted a offer to stay at my last placement and was now a full-time working stiff, they found it hard to believe.  What wonderful organization had convinced me that working in the same place five days a week was better than my temporary gig, they asked.

I didn't tell them the name of the company, but I referred to it as the "Nuthouse" just like I do in this blog.  I then started to outline the "characters" that worked there and some of the interesting and unbelievable things that have occurred during my short tenure (I have not told them about the blog yet, I want to get a few more months under my belt before I let the "world" in on this insanity).  They immediately think I am making these stories up - this is understandable, if I wasn't personally living it, I would think it was made up also.  I have known these friends for YEARS; deep down they know I do not lie and they believe me (who the hell could make these stories up)?.

Our catch up "meeting" lasted well into the evening and way too many drinks were consumed.  There were many favorite stories; some of them had tears running down their cheeks when I told the story about Wayne and the missing eyebrows.  When we parted ways we already had a date for our next after work meeting (that never happens).  As we made our way to the front door and spilled out into the street, they said to "make sure I document the happenings at the Nuthouse so I don't forget anything for next time".  Little do they know - I am documenting (and blogging) as I go! 

Until next time....

Even Customer Entry Is a "Process"

After a much needed weekend away, I was really looking forward to coming back in and finishing up the work that I had started on Friday.  I now not only have a computer, but I convinced The Boss that we need an accounting program (who would have thought a company should have one of those).  I received and loaded the program on the computer Friday and began the arduous process of entering the client information.  Now, this process should have just been a simple one - enter the customer name, address, phone number, etc. and since it is January 2020 we could start fresh.  Did you forget where I work and my previous posts?  This is the Nuthouse sweetheart; it's never, ever that easy!

There is no customer list available to me.  I do not mean that there is not one I can have, borrow or steal; I mean there is not one CREATED!  My god, it is like re-inventing the wheel each and every time something needs to be done here!  So, Friday began my quest (yes, I was being brave)!  I went to the handy, dandy filing cabinet and pulled out the old (used), 9 x 12 envelope for January 2019 and began entering customers from previous sales.  Unfortunately, these sales orders do not include contact names or phone numbers, but I guess it would have been greedy for me to expect as much!

So, today I continued reminiscing though the sales for the year 2019 and entering the customers that purchased into our new accounting system.  My plan is to research and find phone numbers, contact names, etc. and add them in the very near future.  This will assure the new employees (especially any salespeople) that The Boss will be hiring in the near future will have a customer list available (novel idea...I know).

As I entered the information today, I couldn't help but laugh.  At least this place is entertaining and no matter how long I am here, I can honestly say that I will be leaving it in a better position than when I started.  I guess that makes me feel productive!

Until next time - I'll be here in accounting program entry hell!

The Proper Amount of Time to Effectively Warm Your Car During the Winter Months Differs By Individual

As I have complained, the East Coast has been exceptionally cold this winter.  Temperatures have remained “below normal”, according to meteorologists, for the past three weeks.  The offices are freezing in the morning and well into the afternoon.  My normal work uniform is gloves and a scarf which I wear inside on a regular basis.  Note to self, look into a space heater!

I never have had reason to mention that the organization has a company vehicle which is available to staff going to meet customers, etc.  Well, that all changes today!  The majority of its weekly use is by The Boss.  He takes it to get the mail everyday (we have to have a PO Box so no one, including the government, can find us) and sometimes takes it home.  Keep in mind, due to the extremely cold weather, prior to any departure, he must start his vehicle (or the company vehicle) to warm it up.  This practice yielded hilarious results which were conveyed to me today when I arrived.

It is my understanding that last evening, prior to closing the office for the day, The Boss did his normal routine of starting, in this case, his own car, to warm up.  When he ended up actually leaving the office, he jumped in the company vehicle thus leaving his personal car “warming up” in the parking lot.  When Adam arrived at 7:30 AM he noticed the boss’ car running in the parking lot and assumed he was getting an early start of the day and was already inside.  Then Adam went to open the door, he was confused because the building was locked up like Fort Knox.  Undaunted, he unlocked the door and walked into the dark office and warehouse….The Boss was nowhere to be found.  Approximately thirty minutes later, the warehouse door opens and in walks The Boss.  According to Adam he had a "pep in his step and was humming a song".

Adam said good morning and commented that The Boss was in early today.  The Boss looked at him as if he had just spoken in a foreign language and asked what he was talking about.  Adam explained that when he saw the car running in the parking lot, he assumed The Boss was already in and about to leave again.  Adam told me he wished he had taken a picture when The Boss put all the pieces in place and realizing he had left his car running ALL NIGHT in the parking lot!  He said it was the funniest thing he had seen in ages.  The Boss then ran outside and Adam assumes turned the car off before any of the other employees arrived.  When The Boss came back in - nothing was said and The Boss was no longer humming.