Tuesday, August 25, 2020

Hello, My Name Is Nutty Wone & My Parents Are Nuts!


Yes, I am well aware that this is not a forum similar to Alcoholics Anonymous, but I had to get it out in the open and off my chest.  My parents are nuts!

Today, my Mom phoned me (regular phone call, no FaceTime - click here to read our FaceTime fiasco) to inform me that they do not have water in their the house.  I was raised in an area where we didn't have city water and we had a well.  From what I can gather from my Mom, the pump may have burned out and they are waiting for a well repair man (I was as surprised as you that they exist) to call them back.  They have been out of water since Friday afternoon and she is getting quite annoyed with it.  Then she hits me with her next newsflash.

My Dad has eye surgery scheduled Thursday and over the weekend he had to have a COVID test as a prerequisite for the procedure.  This morning the phone rang and it was the Department of Health notifying him that he has tested positive for COVID.  He now has to quarantine for 10 days and my Mom must quarantine for 14 days.  I didn't understand her explanation for the difference in number of quarantine days, but I didn't pursue it further (I choose to pick my battles).  So, no surgery for him and they are now required to wear masks inside their home and stay 6' away from each other.  They were both told that an agency will be contacting them each day to to discuss their health and symptoms.  FYI - They both currently are exhibiting no symptoms and are feeling fine.  My Mom then tells me that she doesn't feel the need to discuss her aches and pains with strangers over the phone.  I told her they are just calling to inquire if either of them has developed a fever or cough, you know, COVID symptoms.  She then tells me I am wrong and they want to discuss all of their health issues.  My god, I feel badly for the poor sucker that will be phoning them each day.  I hope they have carved out some extra time for that call.

I asked if they would be okay for two weeks without going out for food, etc. and my Mom proclaims that she may have to go out to obtain cat food because she doesn't think she has enough for the duration of the quarantine.  When I told her that she should not go out (as the officials told her), she poo poo'd me and told me she would wear a mask.  All I could think was, Serenity Now!  Serenity Now!  (click here for another serenity now incident).  In the next breath, she tells me they are going someplace tomorrow to have another test done because she thinks my Dad's test was a false positive.  Clearly, if the numbers increase in her area of the country I will know why!

She then informs me that as my Dad was on the telephone (speaking to the Department of Health), she inadvertently grabs a bottle of water she thought was hers and took a long drink.  My Dad then finishes the call, tells her what he was told and grabs the bottle and walks away.  It was just then that she realized it wasn't actually her water she was drinking, but my father's.  Now she is super pissed at my Dad!  She drank his water, but for some reason (that I will not be able to convey), it is his fault.  When I laughed at her story, she said she did not understand why I was finding humor in her misery.  She told me that she constantly is telling my Dad to wash his hands when he arrives home from being out in the world.  She says he is always touching his face, etc. and she has informed him on more than one occasion that he is not going be happy until he kills the cat and her with the germs he brings home.

Yup, my name is Nutty Wone and my parents are nuts!

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