Security Is Paramount..

Here at The Nuthouse, we like to fly "under the radar."  When I first arrived to begin my temporary position, I could immediately tell this place was different in oh so many ways (click here for my arrival story).  Remember, even when we moved to the Hobbes Street location, The Boss had to be pressured by the Fire Marshal to add the street number to the building - and don't even suggest that we put a sign up with our company name.  That crazy idea will make The Boss' head spin like a top.  I am not sure why we are so secretive, but his paranoia seems to be increasing.  Maybe he is in the witness protection program and we just don't know it?

Someone from a local security company visited today to discuss adding cameras, motion detectors and entry gates to the outside of the building.  As I have said numerous times, we are located down a dirt road, filled with potholes.  The area resembles a deep and dark "woods setting" found in a bad horror movie.  I cannot imagine what or whom The Boss hopes to "catch" with motion detectors and security cameras in a desolate area like this.  Maybe a deer or possibly is it to keep a better eye on those pesky geese that are continually out to get him (click here for the geese story)?

Once the security company representative left the building, The Boss was very excited to speak to everyone about what the company could offer.  When we questioned why we he thought we needed such extreme security measures for a small company at the end of a dirt road, The Boss said this morning a car drove into the parking lot and turned around (gasp!).   He attempted to run out to see who it was, but they were driving away before he could get to them.  From that brief interaction, he immediately surmised that the individual in the car was not an innocent, lost driver, but rather a unscrupulous, troublemaker looking for information on our company, products and employees (yes, he was deadly serious when he was telling us this).  My god, this man really is INSANE - someone just turned around in a parking lot for god sake!

He also commented that he wants security amped up inside the building.  We all have a responsibility to make sure that windows are closed, doors are locked and important files are not out in the open.  At that point, he reminded me that I had not been locking my filing cabinet consistently each night.  I admit, he is correct in that statement.   I apologized and said I would make sure that I am more mindful of doing that each evening prior to my departure.  I did want to ask what should I do about the previous years' files that are sitting in banker boxes, (out in the open) to the left of my locked file cabinet, but I'm sure those don't need any additional security.

The Boss said he will be making a final decision on which security measures will be added to the building as well as the outside area in the next week.  You cannot fool me twice; I know from prior experience that a decision will not be made in the next week.  If I were a betting kind of guy, I would guess that nothing will ever happen with increased security and rest assured, my previous years files will remain unsecured next to my locked file cabinet.

Good day Nutties!

The Nuthouse Checklist for Today

Interesting things are happening at The Nuthouse these days!  Here are some important bullet points to be aware of to keep up-to-date.

• The dealership called today concerning the repairs on the company vehicle involved in the mishap last week (click here for complete story).  We needed a new wheel and tire, but the axle didn't break.  Next up, necessary body repairs for the front bumper and quarter panel. When The Boss messes something up, he doesn't go half way! The estimate the car will be back next week.
• The Boss informed me that the Fire Marshal will be returning for his second inspection on Thursday of this week.  As I mentioned yesterday, all requirements have been met and we should pass with flying colors.  The Boss also informed me that he "will not be around" on Thursday, so he asked if I would speak with/handle the Marshal.  He really seems to be intimidated by some people.  I told him it would not be a problem and I will help the Marshal anyway I can.
• Today a potential new employee came in for an interview.  It is my understanding that The Boss has actually met with him before.  His name is John and he might be our next draftsman/technical representative.  He seems nice, but a bit socially awkward - maybe he was just nervous...we'll see.  Around here the weirder you are, the more apt you are to be hired - so he should be officially hired soon.
• The Boss came in this morning clean shaven (click here for beard story).  When I saw the change, I commented on it (I know, I am a glutton for punishment) and he said that it was bothering him when he wore a mask, so it was time to go.  BTW - did I mention that Drew had shaved his beard at some point last week?  I'm not sure of the exact day because of my spotty attendance last week.  I did make sure to mention to Drew that his "stalker" was copying him again.  Needless to say, Drew told me to go "F" myself!
• It has been extremely warm lately and the grass has not really needed to be mowed as often (click here to see how The Boss mows the lawn).  The Boss has noticed that there are some dead spots in the lawn and has decided that now is the perfect time to plant some grass seed. Now, I am no horticulturist, but I do not think the middle of July is the optimal time to successfully grow grass from seed, but I could be wrong... 

Well, now that you are up-to-date, enjoy your evening and see you soon!

Company Car vs Ditch...Who Will Be Victorious?

Welcome to Monday Nutties; I hope you all had an enjoyable and relaxing weekend!  Today was going to be the first time I spent the entire day in the office in over a week.  It was nice to be back and get my mind off some of the things going on in my crazy life.

When I arrived this morning I saw that the chemical signage that the fire marshal told us was required had not only arrived, but had been attached to the outside of the building (click here to read about our visit with the fire marshal).  I also noticed some very small numbers underneath that chemical sign - our building number.  I guess we remain under "deep cover" - The Boss still doesn't want our company name outside, but he did post the building number as the marshal had requested.  We should now pass with flying colors once he returns for his re-check.

As I was catching up with my work, I heard The Boss on the phone with a car repair shop concerning a vehicle he had brought in for service.  I didn't think anything of it and the call slipped my mind until just after The Boss left to retrieve the mail from the post office box.  As soon as he crossed the outside threshold of the building, Drew said I had missed a hilarious story while I was gone. Everyone stopped what they were doing while Drew recounted the tale of The Company Car vs. The Rail Road Crossing.

It is my understanding that The Boss took the company vehicle somewhere on Thursday morning and during his return trip, had a bit of a mishap.  We have a railroad crossing not far from our building and depending upon which direction you are traveling; you may encounter it.  Well, when The Boss attempted to cross it on Thursday, it didn't go so well for the vehicle.  He said he wasn't sure what happened exactly, but the vehicle ended up going off the side of the railroad crossing and the front wheel fell off into a ditch.  It was sitting at such an angle that the front end was lower than the back end.  Drew added that he thought that speed and/or not paying attention were probably factors, but we will never know for sure.

Well, The Boss was unable to extract the company vehicle from the ditch and called the office looking for Drew to help him (of course he called Drew).  Drew then drove his truck to the scene of the crime and said after seeing the car with the damaged front end in the ditch, a flat tire and what looked to be a possible bent axle, there was really nothing he could do to help; they were going to have to call a tow truck.  Drew said that when the tow truck finally arrived the driver chuckled and asked what happened; The Boss quickly responded that a deer had run out in front of him.  Was it a deer or did he not know what happened?   I wonder how many times this "story" is going to change.

I guess I always imagined that any vehicle damage was going to occur on our bumpy, pot hole filled dirt road.  Wrong again Nutty Wone, wrong again - The Boss fooled found another avenue for damage!

Call Off the Search Party, I'm Still Here....

Rest assured; The Nuthouse has not gotten the best of me... yet! 

There have been some medical issues in my family lately and I have been out of the office more than in.  I didn't want you to think I had abandoned you or were keeping those wonderful Nuthouse stories all to myself.  If I don't share these insane stories, how will I remember them all when I am old and grey?

I apologize for my absence and will be back up and running again in no time.  Nuthouse stories do not slow down just because other things are going on in the world!

Until next week Nutties.  Be safe, have fun and wash those filthy paws!

Do You Know Why The Kitchen Sink Is Running Slow?

Allow me to take you back in time - to about a month ago when I was pouring the last few sips from a bottle of Coca Cola down the kitchen sink and noticed that the drain seemed to be running a bit slow.  I didn't see any debris or any other blockage in the sink to cause this issue, so I mentioned it to The Boss.  He indicated that he hadn't noticed the drain running slow, but would keep an eye on it. 

Fast forward a couple of weeks - others in the office have commented to me that they thought the drain was running slower than usual.  I told them I had informed The Boss, but I would mention it to him again.  Maybe I should save ourselves the pain of witnessing him attempt to pull the drain apart and just call a plumber myself - but what fun would that be?  I mentioned it again, but it seemed to fall on deaf ears.

Fast forward again to this morning, the morning after a long, holiday weekend.  The Boss arrived before anyone else and he had made the coffee (click here to read the coffee making process).  By 11 AM,  The Boss went in to get another cup and the pot was pretty much gone.  When he saw it was almost empty he took a quick poll wondering if he should make another pot (he asked everyone) and it was decided that another pot would be consumed by the end of the day.  This is where the reason for the slow running drain problem quickly became crystal clear.

I witnessed this with my own peepers.  He took the coffee pot apart and proceeded to dump the coffee grounds, not in the garbage like a normal person, but down the kitchen sink drain!  He then turned on the faucet and made sure every ground made in down that drain.  As I am watching him do this, I am flabbergasted at what I am seeing; who in their right mind dumps coffee grounds down the drain when the garbage can in right there?  No wonder the sink is running slow - the drain is chock full of coffee grounds.  Damn, the plumber is going to love this (if and when he ever calls one).

It was after watching this display that I mentioned the slow running drain once again to him - maybe this time he would listen and act accordingly.  As he is filling the carafe and standing at a distance to see if it has the perfect amount of water, I say, "hey, did you see how slowly that drain is running?"  When I tell you his response, you are going to think I am lying, but I swear I am not.  He said, " I did notice it this morning, but I cannot imagine what could be causing it."  He then said that maybe he would take it apart later this week and check it out.  Oh, goody...there is going to be a water show at The Nuthouse later in the week.  Tickets are on sale now!

Yup, as the meme for this post suggests - stupid does not realize stupid!

What A Week!

This is the PERFECT description of my week!  Somehow it always seems that the shorter weeks seem to last the longest. I have always felt this way and working in The Nuthouse has done nothing to change that belief.

I am happy to report that all employees followed the instructions The Boss posted next to the thermostat (click here for story) and refrained from touching and/or turning it off.  It was a comfortable 80 degrees when I arrived this morning.  The Boss seemed to be in better spirits, but I am sad to report that the cover for the thermostat remains on the floor in the corner of the office. I wonder how long it will remain there?  I will keep you updated on its status next week.

The Boss was out of the office for a large part of day and I think many companies may have started their long weekend a bit early because the office was quieter than usual....not that I am complaining.  We had pizza delivered and we enjoyed a long lunch.  It was nice to catch up and hear everyone's plans for the long weekend.  The Boss came back around 3 PM and told everyone to go home and enjoy their long weekend.  I hope he doesn't feel the need to call me tomorrow morning to remind me that we have the day off (click here for story).

Enjoy the long weekend Nutties!  Be safe and remember to check for poop before performing and vacuuming (click here for story)!  See you soon!

The Boss vs. The Office Thermostat

Stories are told about offices across the country where employees disagree about what the optimal temperature should be.  Some people are inherently cold and would like the office to be a bit warmer; then you have those individuals who think a meat locker should be a bit cooler.  Fortunately for us, we do not have that problem in our office; everyone seems to agree on the same ambient temperature. This is where our story begins....

We all know how a thermostat works - you set it to a desired temperature and in the case of summer, the air conditioner will run until that programmed temperature is achieved.  For some unknown reason, I'm not sure The Boss has totally grasped this simple concept.  Our area of the country has been hot and humid recently - welcome to July!  The Boss has programmed the thermostat in our office to be 80 degrees during working hours and during non-working hours (and weekends), the temperature rises to 90 degrees (he is trying to save $).  Up until recently, the air conditioner has not had to run very often, but now with the heat and humidity, it is a necessity.

The Boss was already in the office when I arrived this morning and I noticed he looked annoyed.  I also noticed as soon as I entered the door that it was hotter than hell in the office.  I said good morning, put my Coca-Cola in the fridge and asked what was going on with the air conditioning.  He said that he worked late last night and turned it off at around 6 PM and must have forgotten to turn it back on.  WTH???  I mentioned that I thought the temperature setting changed to 90 degrees beginning at 5 PM.  His response was one for the record books.  He said, at 6 PM it was still 82 degrees; he thought it wasn't working correctly, so he must have turned it off.  I commented that since it was 82 degrees, the air conditioner was working correctly for the evening setting.  Did he think the temperature shot up to 90 degrees at 5:01 PM?  He then said his famous line when he doesn't like what you are saying, "I don't need an editorial."  Yup, right there it was crystal clear - The Boss didn't know how a programmable thermostat worked!

Throughout the day, he would constantly come out of his office to check the office temperature.  He would then sigh loudly and return to this desk.  Now remember, the air had some catching up to do because it was off all night.  Each time he came out and saw it hadn't reached the programmed 80 degrees he would manually override the programmed info and hit the temperature down button.  He must have done this a dozen times!  He actually thought by lowering the temperature it was going to make the area cool off quicker!  Yup, I was shaking my head too.

By lunchtime, the air conditioner was still playing catch up and we had achieved a temperature of 83 degrees in the office (almost there!), but this latest information check just set The Boss off completely.  He actually had a temper tantrum in front of the thermostat; he stomped his feet and then ripped the cover completely off  the thermostat.  It flew across the room and bounced off the opposite wall.  Yup, that will definitely help the area cool down faster!   I'm beginning to think we may need a "time out" area in the office for certain individuals.

As the day drew to a close, the temperature finally reached the 80 degree mark.  As we were leaving for the day, The Boss came out of his office holding a piece of paper and some tape.  He walked over to the thermostat and began taping the piece of paper to the wall.  What did the paper say, you ask?

ATTENTION EMPLOYEES

EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY
PLEASE DO NOT TURN OFF OR TOUCH THERMOSTAT!

THANK YOU
MGMT.

Now, that is RICH!  I laughed out loud, walked to my car and headed for home.  Is it Friday yet?