Monday, May 18, 2020
Serenity Now! Serenity Now!
Welcome to another Monday, Nutties! When we last left the Nuthouse, the lawn was being mowed by The Boss, who was almost unrecognizable in his array of safety equipment. When I arrived this morning, the first thing I noticed was not all the lawn (which isn't very large) had been mowed. It looked like a little over half had been completed. I knew there was going to be quite a story behind this - should I save myself, run back to my car and just drive home? Nope, I am tough....I continued to the front door and walked right in. I'm sure I will be regretting that decision sooner rather than later.
When I entered the building Adam and Alex were in the front office talking with The Boss. I could immediately tell that he had them cornered (it may have been the distant, but startled look in their eyes) and they were quite pleased to see me! They quickly mentioned they should get back to work and just about ran to the warehouse. Cowardly bastards, didn't you ever hear you leave no man behind? I will remember this! SERENITY NOW!
The Boss' attention quickly turned to me, like a bear who had moved on from the camper he was currently eating to his next delicious victim. It was now my turn to be his sounding board. He immediately started to explain the half-mowed lawn. From what I was able to understand, there are geese around (the lawn leads to a small pond) and these geese clearly have it out for him (his words - not mine), because they have crapped all over the lawn. Well, he just couldn't deal with the guano any longer and for his sanity (his word, not mine), he had to stop mowing. He was so distraught; he loaded the lawnmower back into his car (does he know we have a work truck??) and returned it to his house. Now, there is not only goose crap on the lawn to contend with, but he also has it in his trunk!
He then told me he spent the entire weekend researching geese and how to get rid of them (humanely, of course). He also mentioned he contacted local pest control companies. He was unable to discover much information that he considered useful. He did read that garlic may work (I guess geese are closely related to vampires...you learn something new every day) or putting string up where they like to visit (outside of the water) might deter them.
Lastly, he informed me that today he and the warehouse staff will be pounding small stakes into the ground and stringing a string in a diamond pattern near the water's edge to keep the geese from leaving the pond. He will then spread garlic cloves in the area. When I asked if maybe the area should be mowed prior to pounding the stakes he gave me his common response of "I don't need an editorial" (this is his go-to statement when someone says something he doesn't like or agree with). Well, I guess we are going to have string art in the half-mowed lawn which will now be safe from vampire visits. I know you are jealous!
Where are the rest of the employees...I need help damn it!
On a personal note - I was saddened to hear of the passing of Jerry Stiller (notice the meme choice for today). Seinfeld was (and is) still one of my favorite quotable shows. RIP - Frank Costanza, you were hilarious!