Friday, May 15, 2020

Crash Course - Lawn Mowing 101

This morning started out like any other work morning.  I woke up, showered, fed my two furry buds and left for the office.  As I drove there, I wondered what fresh hell of craziness I would be facing today.  My question was quickly answered as I turned on to the pot-holed and crater filled "road" to our new office dwelling.

Just ahead of me was what looked like The Boss' car; I say it looked like, because I had some difficulty seeing it completely because perilously hanging from the trunk was a lawn mower! Now, a normal person would have brought home the work truck if they were considering the transport of  a lawn mower - but there are no normal people here, this is the Nuthouse!  I made sure I kept my distance from the mower transport vehicle.  It was barely secured in the trunk by a piece of rope and was bouncing around like a kid on a trampoline as he hit what seemed like every pot hole available.  I don't know how that mower remained in the trunk - I was witnessing a mower miracle!

As I got out of my car, The Boss looked over at me smiling like a proud child.  He had on his mask and big work gloves and he said, I'm  planning on mowing the lawn today".  Oh boy, this was going to be even better than I had originally expected!  He had some difficulties removing the mower from his trunk and I helped a bit.  Once we had got it out, he deposited it in the middle of a large grass patch and followed me into the building (at a very safe distance, of course).

As the morning progressed, he made a couple of veiled references to the lawn mower being outside.  I wonder if he thought someone else might "volunteer" to do the deed.  Well, no fear there - no one stepped up.  By 11 AM, I guess he realized it was all him and he proceeded to get ready to mow.  I know what you are thinking - he just grabbed some sunglasses and went outside to mow, right?  No, did you forget who we are talking about?

He took a duffel bag from his office, went into the restroom and in a few minutes emerged a totally different person.  He had changed his mask from the N95 to a full respirator (like the one he used when painting).  He also had changed his clothes and tucked his pant legs into his stocks.  These socks went up to the middle of his knees, so as you can imagine, this was quite a fashionable look.  He also had large, thick gloves which reminded me of the gloves a zookeeper who was dealing with large birds of prey might use.  He topped off the ensemble with a baseball cap and some extremely large safety glasses.  Yup, this man was ready to mow or clean up a toxic waste site!

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