Tuesday, February 18, 2020

Quarterly Membership Recruitment Is In Full Force!

If I am to be perfectly honest this actually occurred last week.  I think it has taken me this long to actual process it.  As I have briefly mentioned, Mike is a born-again christian.  He is nice enough, as long as he stays away from his "fire and brimstone" speeches.  He has been with the organization almost since the beginning.  He and The Boss have known each other for years, they originally met when they worked for the same company.

If you remember, he tried (unsuccessfully) to have me join "Team Christ" when I first started as a temp.  He tried to make small talk which eventually evolved to the "have you been saved" mantra.  I thought (hoped) my original rebuff of his "advances" would be enough to keep me off his radar - but I guess was wrong, he really wanted me on his team.

He must be in the midst of a membership recruitment drive for his church, because he has been giving the god speech to anyone within earshot at the office the past few days.  He finally made his way to me (I must have been last on his list) and he started with his spiel.  Once again, I reminded him that I am not interested in religion and that I would kindly appreciate him removing me from his "call list."  Hey, it works for telemarketers sometimes, why not annoying holy rollers?

Well, it seems this time, he wasn't taking accepting that as an answer.  I guess his church gave him a quota - come back with three heathens or you cannot attend any more services and you go directly to hell.  He kept pushing me as to why I was so against religion and what did god ever to do me.  Wow, he really, really wants to go there.  You opened the door buddy - I mention how the church treats anyone different from what they consider "normal" like total shit,  remind him how they condone pedophilia, and how they are all about money.  He says he appreciates my concerns, but not all religion is this way and I am looking at the world in a very jaded way.   He then proceeds to tell me how his congregation is caring, loving and understanding to all. Yup, that's what they all say!

We start talking about a bunch of different topics and I find out the following about our god worshiping Mike:  He is TOTALLY against homosexuals - he actually used the phrase "against god's plan."   I made sure I mentioned that with an attitude like his god might like to screw him over and make his children gay.   What for this one - he also believes adultery is something that should be addressed/handled by the church.  Confused by this statement, I ask him to clarify.  He then tells me the following story as an example.

One day he suspected a married member of his church (woman) was having an affair with another person.  He told me he wasn't close to this couple, he just knew them from services and for some reason he suspected adultery on her part (I guess he must have cheating radar along with his gaydar).  Well, he approached the woman and told her of his suspicions.  He then informed her that if she didn't tell her husband of her indiscretions before the next service, he would be forced to tell him.  WHAT DID I JUST HEAR!  I repeated what he said (just so I made sure I understood correctly) and he said that is exactly correct and that is how/why adultery should be handled by the church.  Is that what god loving people do for members of their congregation?   WOW, I was waiting for him to add that if she did't tell her husband, they would be stoning her in the parking lot after coffee service on Sunday.

I saw where this was going and knew what I had to do; I had to drop the bomb of all bombs.  Something you never want to say to a god loving individual, but I knew it was necessary to make sure I was NEVER included again on his membership recruitment list.  I looked him straight in the eye and said, "I guess we will have to agree to disagree, I am an atheist and we don't play that way."   He looked at me for a couple of seconds and then turned back to his computer and continued working.

I think I may have successfully squashed this issue for good.  Now I  wonder if he will be speaking to me at all anymore.  I also wonder if anyone else will be joining "Team Atheist" in the future to get him to shut the F up about religion.  Don't worry fellow co-workers, there is always room on my "team."

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