Happy Hump Day From The Nuthouse!

 

• Mike took yesterday off and seemed much better when he came back today.  You will be happy to know, The Boss' anxiety level is at a much lower level compared to Monday (click here for recap).  It is my understanding that Mike switched medications and these new meds are working better at handing whatever was making him so miserable.  I'm glad Mike is feeling better, but I have to admit, it was awesome how annoyed The Boss was getting every time he heard a peep coming from Mike's direction.
• The Boss commented that he believes he is responsible for Mike feeling better because he told him he might want to consider changing medications.  Yup, rest assured, Mike never would have guessed that his old medication wasn't working without the notification from The Boss.  Lord, help me, he is insane!
• The Boss has continued to wear a mask whenever dealing or speaking with Mike.  I guess he is concerned that Mike's allergies might be communicable.  This man should just dress in a hazmat suit and call it a day!
• We had a couple of candidates come in for our technical representative/draftsperson opening, none of which The Boss seemed too impressed with.  It is my belief that The Boss feels foolish for originally choosing John and is so concerned about making a poor choice again, that it will result in him not picking anyone.  God help us if he hires another weirdo that prints out porn during his work hours (click here for recap).  What are the chances that he finds and hires someone like John again?  I know, we are talking about The Boss here...
• It was raining so hard today that it was difficult to even see across the parking lot.  I think it is finally occurring to The Boss that the inability to access the warehouse directly from the inside of our building is becoming a bit problematic.  Remember, he famously had a conference room built which used the entry door to the warehouse with no exit from the new room (click here for recap).  I heard The Boss call the warehouse twice today via phone rather than making his actual "in person" visit.  I also heard him tell someone on the phone, "I cannot go to the warehouse right now, it is raining too hard and I am still soaked from my last trip".  I guess he doesn't appreciate having to don a slicker and umbrella to gain access to another portion of the building.  Poor baby - maybe think things through a bit more next time you fricken' ass!
• That being said, work has continued to stay steady and even picked up a bit in the last week or so.  The company continues to grow and prosper in spite of the captain leading the ship.  Just think what we could accomplish without a Nut in charge!

Only a few more days left Nutties...we can do it....we are strong!  Until next time!

It's Funny What Annoys The Boss

For a while now, I have written about how annoying The Boss can be on a daily basis and then outlining those instances so you too can share in my misery.  I thought we would turn the tables a bit today and discuss something that occurred today that ended up annoying The Boss to such a degree that he had to exit the premises and go home.

As you can imagine, it is fall on the East coast and the weather has quickly gone from hot and oppressive to cool and damp. The funny thing about this change is that it seemed to happen overnight - like someone flipped a light switch labeled "seasons".  This change in season has not only created a change in wardrobe, but has brought seasonal allergies to the forefront.  It didn't take us long this morning to discover that Mike is an allergy sufferer and today he was suffering badly!  When he arrived, he looked blotchy and had puffy, red eyes.  He was also carrying a box of tissues and was already sneezing.  He said he has always had allergies, but over-the-counter medicine has helped keep them in check.  He said this weekend his medicine seemed to stop working and he was left sneezing and blowing his nose the entire weekend.  

The Boss arrived a couple of minutes late this morning and immediately went into his office.  It only took about three seconds of sitting there for him to hear the sneezing and blowing coming from Mike's office (they are next door to each other and share one wall).  The Boss came out of his office and was wearing a mask!  He then stood in Mike's doorway and asked if he was okay.  Mike told him that his allergy medicine seemed to stop working over the weekend.  The Boss immediately asked if had been around anyone with COVID or did he have people in his church that visited China?  All I could think was OMFG, he we go again (click here for recap).  He also asked if Mike had taken his temperature this morning.  I could see as this conversation was progressing that The Boss was getting more and more anxious.  We better be careful, he might pull out the hazmat suit again just to be safe (click here for recap).  After a few more questions, The Boss seemed content with the answers that Mike gave to his medical questions and went back into his office (closing the door, I might add).

This is when the sh*t show started... Mike continued to sneeze and blow his nose almost constantly.  If this poor guy wasn't sneezing, he was blowing.  After about 15 minutes, I began to hear some rumblings coming from The Boss' office.  I didn't think anything of them, but as the blowing and sneezing continued, so did the rumblings and some drawer slamming, along with some file slamming for good measure.  Thirty minutes into the sneeze fest, The Boss burst from his office, busted through the front door going outside and walked across the parking lot to enter the warehouse.  I looked at Rachael and said, "I think we finally found something that annoys him as much as he annoys us....Mike's sneezing and nose blowing".  We all laughed and told Mike to keep it up (like he had a choice).  Today might be an interesting day after all!

The Boss came back into the office seeming to have calmed down from his outburst and trip to the warehouse.  Well, that serenity didn't last long - Mike sneezed once again and it was like someone lit a powder keg and The Boss exploded!  He went back into his office, assembled the mask back on his face and stomped to Mike's doorway again.  He angrily wanted to know what medicine he was taking and when he took it last.  He also commented that "maybe he should try another brand" since the one he was using "clearly is not working".  I thought I was going to piss my pants!  This crazy man is soooo annoyed right now and he is barely holding it together.

He slammed back into his office and commenced with loud sighing and slamming every time he heard a noise from Mike.  It evolved to the point that every time Mike sneezed or would blow his nose, I would immediately laugh - I couldn't help myself!  After another hour had passed, The Boss came out of his office and he resembled like an actual insane person.  He looked at me and breathlessly said, "this is ridiculous, he is driving me nuts, I cannot stay here" and he all but ran out the front door.

As he exited the building and drove away, I had difficulty stopping my laughter.  About five minutes later, I heard Mike's cell phone ring and the next thing I know Mike is standing in his doorway.  "It was The Boss", he said, and he told me "to stay the hell home tomorrow if I cannot stop that incessant sneezing and nose blowing".

Wow, just wow....is all I could say!  If I were Mike, I would thoroughly enjoy my day off tomorrow if I was still sneezing and blowing or not! 

Well, I Cannot Un-See That!

 

As you know, it's been a rip-roaring, strong smelling week here at The Nuthouse.  I am happy to report  the stench of death has diminished a bit as the week progressed.  The Boss must be getting tired of lighting and extinguishing all of the those votives each day (click here for recap), because I heard him mention yesterday to Adam that he will be coming in over the weekend to "air the building out".  

On a positive note, I also heard that The Boss is not going to be in the office today.  This benefits us two-fold; one, he is not here (bonus) and two, he will not be holding a church service in his office with all those votive candles.  Today, our office will not smell of rotten death and apple pie!  Let us all rejoice!

We all were going about our day and enjoying the solitude of a Bossless Nuthouse when the unthinkable happened - the front door opened and he strolled through it.  To say that we were immediately shocked would be an understatement - not at his appearing at The Nuthouse, but rather, his actual appearance.  It pains me to even convey it to you because it helps the picture in my head (which I cannot erase) to become even clearer...people, I can not un-see the frightful spectacle I am about to communicate.

The Boss walked into the office in workout gear. Now, not workout gear like you and I would wear.  No, he came through the door looking like an older, plumper and bumpier version of Lance Armstrong.  Yup, it looks like he has taken up biking and his first purchase was a bright white, spandex ensemble, possibly a size too small; leaving nothing to the imagination, I might add.  To complete the look, he also donned a bike helmet - yes, he actually wore his bike helmet into the office.   The helmet was one of those aerodynamic jobbies that reminded me of a weird bird head.  I immediately wonder, did he put the helmet on when he exited his car or did he wear it while he was driving to The Nuthouse.  Now, I thought when I passed drivers on the highway wearing their masks it was weird; if I saw this nut job with a biking helmet on when driving, I would have crashed my car!

To say the staff in the front office was shocked at his gear would not be a strong enough sentiment.  Most of the employees just stared like they were going by a grotesque accident on the highway.  No one said a word, they just watched him flit around in his getup and make a phone call from his office.  He then came out into the main room, wished everyone a good weekend and was on his way.  After we watched him drive away, we all looked at each other in utter disbelief - did that really happen?  No one said anything for a few minutes and then Drew said, "I didn't know The Boss was Jewish".  Everyone paused a moment and Rachael started cracking up.  We all joined in and busted Drews' ass the rest of the because he even looked there.

My plans for the weekend, you ask? Just a scrub brush directly to my brain in an attempt to erase this entire day from my memory bank.    Shalom to you all!

Around Here, Even a Good Idea Bites You In The Arse!

Let me take you back a mere day in time.  Remember yesterday, when I told you all how our office smelled like dead woodchuck (or some other form of wildlife)?  (click here for recap).  If you recall, a Clean Cotton fragranced Yankee Candle helped ease both mine and my co-workers pain, but The Boss was none too happy with the purchase.  He had multiple worries about our band aid for the stench and made sure he was quite vocal about it.  I was actually prepared to plead my case today when/if I tried to light it again...that's how bad his complaining was.

Fast forward to this morning,  I arrived in the office and rest assured, the dead animal smell was still in full effect.  If anything, it may have become stronger, more powerful overnight.  Maybe this unfortunate creature sacrificed himself as payback for The Boss' war against his fellow wildlife - maybe the geese (click here for recap) or possibly it was in the name of the bees (click here for recap).  Whatever the reason, we were all going to have to deal with this stinky bugger a while longer.

As I sat at my desk, looking for matches, I noticed a familiar, but strange smell mixed in with the rotten animal.  It took me a couple of seconds to place it, but I quickly realized, it was reminiscent of apple pie.  Now, I love a good apple pie as much as the next guy but I know we don't have an oven (or a baking grandmother) here, so, where and why was this smell here.  It only took about ten seconds to discover the origin of the smell - The Boss' office.

I walked in his office and it resembled an area of the church where parishioners' light candles for prayers.  First, I thought that maybe Mike and Wayne had recruited him (click here for recap), but quickly discovered the true purpose.  This crazy man had ten...yes, ten votive candles set up around his office and they were all apple pie flavored.  Now, as I mentioned previously, I am not a big fan of candles that smell like food.  I don't think they properly represent the food they are attempted to copy and when added to the fact of trying to cover decomposing animal - it is not a pleasant mix.

I looked around at the candles and back at The Boss, shook my head and said, "I guess you like apple pie, huh". He said he thought these few (?) candles would help with the smell because he was so preoccupied with the overwhelming odor yesterday that he was unable to get anything done.  I guess his concerns he voiced yesterday were no longer concerns.

I know you have all heard the classic "the dog ate my homework" excuse for not getting something accomplished.  Clearly, The Boss should write a book of reasons for not getting things done - he has so many to choose from.  I think he might have a best-seller on his hands!

So Many Smells, So Little Time..

 

I guess you could say that today was a very fragrant day at The Nuthouse!  When I arrived this morning, I proceeded through the door and was face to face with quite a pungent odor.  My first thought was that someone had left their trash from lunch in the kitchen garbage and it was stinking up the place.  I investigated and the kitchen garbage can was clean and empty.  I continued my search, but was unable to find the source of the smell.

Needless to say, I wasn't the only person who was bothered by the smell.  As each subsequent employee arrived, the first thing out of their mouth was, "what the hell is that smell".  They too put on their detective hats in an attempt to find the source of the stench.  They too were unsuccessful!  Once The Boss arrived, the drama surrounding the smell was ratcheted up substantially.  He wanted to know what the smell was.  Where was it coming from?  Did anyone else smell it?  Did we all check our garbage? He was running around like a madman, bitching and looking for the origin of the smell  By 11 AM, I told Drew that if I heard The Boss utter the word "smell" one more time, I was going to go postal.  I reminded him that this place insane and no court in the land would convict me!

Drew and Mike came to the conclusion that something must have gotten in the building, or maybe trapped inside the walls and perished.  That is what we are smelling - the stench of death!  It is a plausible hypothesis since it is getting colder here and all of the wildlife milling about might be looking for a warmer home for the winter.  Great, this place is not only slowing killing me, but now has set its sights on innocent wildlife.  When will the insanity end?

Lunch time finally arrived and I couldn't wait to get out of our smelly, insane, death asylum.  I decided the best thing for me to would be to stop at the mall and pick up a scented candle.  I stopped at the local Yankee Candle and reviewed my choices.  I didn't want anything that resembled a food smell - food and dead animal...not at all pleasing.  I also considered the abundance of fall scented choices available - no...pumpkin spice scented dead animal also did not sound appealing.  If finally decided on something much more generic called, Clean Cotton.

When I arrived back in the office, I showed my co-workers my purchase and I immediately became the Nuthouse hero!  Since we all are stationed in the same area, they too would benefit from my fragrant afternoon purchase.  We quickly found a central location for it and lit that bitch up.  After about one hour, the room smelled like clean cotton with a hint of dead animal.  Not perfect, but much better than it had been earlier in the day.

Of course, The Boss had something to say about the purchase.  He didn't really like the smell (I guess dead woodchuck is better).  He thought an open flame in the office was dangerous (it wasn't a bonfire, Dude, just a candle).  As the day went on, his tune changed a bit.  He asked where I got the candle and wondered if he should pick one up for his office.  My god, this man drives me NUTS.

On a side note, the picture I attached to this positing was not available at my local Yankee Candle establishment (yes, I asked).  If anyone has an idea of where I could find one, please let me know - I have the perfect spot picked out for it.

Maybe If We All Followed This Meme!

 

This right here is pure gold...gold I say!  If more people subscribed to this simple statement, the world might not be in the shape it is currently in.  I defy anyone to argue otherwise!

Monday's in The Nuthouse can be... nutty to say the least.  After the confrontation The Boss had with the neighbor across the pond last week (click here for recap), he is even more obsessed with what is going on over there (I know - I didn't think it was possible either)!  He must go outside two dozen times a day to watch what is going on over there.  I swear to god, he is driving everyone crazy!  I suggested we put a picnic table out there so he can have his coffee, watch is latest nemesis and stay out of our hair.  He could also keep an eye out for visits from John since he is concerned about that now too.

My weekend was way too fast; I woke up this morning and for the life of me I couldn't even remember being off for two days.  I spoke to my parents via FaceTime (click here for our Facetime struggles) and I must admit, it wasn't the most horrible thing of the weekend.  My Mom seems to be getting the process down much better than before.  I no longer need to take a Dramamine prior to our conversation, as she now puts the IPad on a flat surface and doesn't touch it (thank god).  They are both doing well and continue to stay healthy (although I didn't speak with my Dad).  I did have to hear how my Mom is sure my Dad is "losing it" because he doesn't remember things, but then she tells me she forgot to take the sheets off the bed for laundry day.  When I questioned her about her forgetfulness, she said that I was being ridiculous.  Oh, getting old is not for the faint at heart and neither is being the child of two people getting older.

I started a new workout routine this weekend and although I am enjoying it - my body was screaming at me Sunday morning when I attempted to get out of bed.  I guess that is a good thing!  I hope to keep it up because as I have mentioned before our quarantine time was not kind to my waist line.

Hope your Monday wasn't too awful Nutties; don't worry, they say it gets easier from here.  I'm not sure who "they" are, but I am hoping they are right. Until next time!

We Paid Dearly For Yesterday's Normalcy!

Welcome to another Tuesday at The Nuthouse!  Yesterday was a weird day; we were busier than usual for a Monday and nothing too strange or annoying occurred.  It would be what a normal worker, in a normal office would consider just a normal day.  As you know, we are not normal and today, we paid dearly for yesterday's normalcy.

Our morning started off like any other; The Boss was making coffee - today he only stepped back from the carafe twice (click here to read how coffee is made in The Nuthouse) and everyone else was busy taking care of their own workloads.  As the morning drags on, the front door opens and a man enters the office.  He caught my eye first and I asked if I could help him.  He introduced himself as Brian, said he owned the shop down the road and asked if The Boss was available.  It didn't register immediately, but within a split second, I realized this was our neighbor from across the pond.  I immediately concluded what he wanted to speak with The Boss about - the visit from the police last week (click here for a refresher on what happened last week).  The Boss was not in his office (he was on one of his many jaunts to the warehouse), so I said I would get him.  I called out to the warehouse and asked him to come into the office because he had a visitor.  No, I didn't say who it was - I know I am an awful person, I just wanted to see what happened.

The Boss traversed the parking lot and came in the front door and immediately was face-to-face with the neighbor he had reported to the police last week.  I have to admit, I almost felt bad for him when I saw the shock on his face when he saw Brian standing there.  He clearly knew who Brian was and stuttered a bit as he asked him to come into his office. I didn't hear what transpired between the two of them, but I could tell from the voice levels that Brian wasn't a very happy camper.  I did hear The Boss say "protected land" on more than one occasion, which I believe only angered Brian more. After about ten minutes, Brian left and The Boss had absolutely nothing to say about the visit.  He did tell the staff that if "that man visits again to say he is not in the office".  Hilarious!  What did he think would happen when you sent the police knocking at his door?  God, he is an idiot!

It took a while for The Boss to calm down from his "visit" with Brian.  In his defense, he REALLY doesn't do well with confrontation.  Around 1 PM he started acting more like himself; he was leaving his office again (and going into the warehouse) and making trips back and forth to the kitchen - all was back to "Nuthouse Normal".   Then the shit really hit the fan!

Around 3 PM the front door opens and you will never guess who walked in.   That's right - our ex-employee, John (click here to read how John became an ex-employee)!  Now, at the same time, The Boss was in the kitchen (which is directly near the front door) and once John started to speak, I actually watched The Boss retreat deeper into the kitchen - almost hiding.  We all said hello and I asked why he was here.  He quickly said he came to pick up his stuff (I wonder if he remembered he had printed out porno and was concerned we would find it).  I told him that his stuff was sent to him via UPS last week and he should have received it on Thursday.  He said he didn't receive it (I don't know if I believe that) and he was in the area (now, I definitely don't believe that).  He then asked if The Boss was around.  I thought for a split second to throw The Boss to the wolves and say he was in the kitchen, but something in me felt bad for the guy.  I didn't think he could handle two confrontations in one day, much less one from someone I think he was concerned might hurt him.  So, I was the bigger person and said The Boss was not currently in the office.  I offered to give him a message or suggested that he phone later today.  John didn't seem interested in either option and again said, he was just in the area and that it was nothing important.  He then said goodbye, turned around and left.

As we watched him driving off, The Boss emerged from the kitchen and he couldn't fake that he was hiding in there from John.  He laughed it off and thanked me for saying he wasn't in the office.  He also commented that we had to get some new candidates for that position because he thought that John might be sniffing around for his old job.  I immediately thought, there is no way in hell that weirdo is coming back to The Nuthouse!  I made a mental note to add it to my to-do-list for first thing tomorrow.

The moral of the story Nutties is to not take a "normal" day for granted; we did and see what happened!  Until next time - have a great night!